*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75864 *** “THIS WAS A MAN” _NOEL COWARD_ “THIS WAS A MAN” A Comedy in Three Acts [Illustration] Garden City, New York Doubleday, Doran & Company, Inc. MCMXXXIII COPYRIGHT, 1926 BY NOEL COWARD ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES ERRATUM _Applications regarding performing rights should be addressed to the author, care of the publishers._ TO JOHN C. WILSON PALERMO, _April 1926_ “THIS WAS A MAN” CHARACTERS (In the order of their appearance) EDWARD CHURT CAROL CHURT HARRY CHALLONER MARGOT BUTLER BERRY BOBBIE ROMFORD ZOE ST. MERRYN MAJOR EVELYN BATHURST BLACKWELL SCENES ACT I SCENE I: Edward Chart’s studio in Knightsbridge—2.30 A.M. SCENE II: The same. The following afternoon. ACT II SCENE: Evelyn Bathurst’s flat. The same night. ACT III SCENE: The same as Act I. The following morning. “THIS WAS A MAN” Act One ACT I SCENE I _EDWARD CHURT’S studio in Knightsbridge is furnished with mingled opulence and good taste—he is a successful modern portrait-painter._ [_When the curtain rises it is about 2.30 a.m. There is a faint glow from the fireplace on the left; a table stands more or less C., upon which is a reading lamp illumining a decanter of whisky, some siphons, a plate of biscuits and another of sandwiches, and two or three glasses; there are also a box of cigarettes and matches. The rest of the room is in comparative darkness. There is the sound of a taxi drawing up in the street, then after a suitable pause the noise of the front door being opened. CAROL CHURT enters, followed by HARRY CHALLONER. They are both in evening dress. CAROL is lovely and exquisitely gowned; her vivid personality is composed of a minimum of intellect and a maximum of sex. HARRY possesses all the earmarks of a social success—he is an excellent ballroom dancer, compared with which his activities in the city are negligible._] CAROL Don’t make a noise. HARRY I wasn’t. CAROL I didn’t say you were—I said don’t. HARRY All right. CAROL Do you want a drink? HARRY Yes, please. CAROL Help yourself then—and give me one. [_She takes off her cloak and lights a cigarette._] HARRY Say when. CAROL That’s enough. [_He fills up the glass with soda and hands it to her._] HARRY Here. CAROL Thanks. HARRY You are a marvel. CAROL Why? HARRY You’re so steady. CAROL I don’t see any reason for being anything else. HARRY You don’t think he’ll find out? CAROL Of course not. HARRY Where does he sleep? CAROL [_Pointing to door, R._] In there. [_HARRY, with big drink in his hand, tiptoes over and listens at the door._] HARRY I can’t hear a sound. CAROL He doesn’t snore unless he’s taken to it lately. HARRY [_Returning_] Darling, do you love me? CAROL What a silly question! HARRY It’s all been so wonderful. CAROL [_Smiling_] Has it? HARRY Well, hasn’t it? CAROL Yes, it has rather. [_He puts down his drink and takes her in his arms._] Look out— [_She is holding her glass out at arm’s length to prevent it upsetting._] HARRY Put it down, darling— [_There is a good deal of passion in his voice when he says, “darling.”_] CAROL Why? HARRY I want to kiss you. CAROL Again? HARRY Yes, again and again and again—forever. [_He takes her glass and slams it down on the table._] CAROL Shhh! Don’t be a fool. HARRY I don’t care— [_He kisses her lingeringly._] CAROL [_Gently disentangling herself_] I do—it’s silly to be reckless. HARRY I don’t believe you love me as much as you did before. CAROL It isn’t that at all—you know it isn’t. HARRY Kiss me then. CAROL Very well. [_She goes up to him and quietly kisses him on the mouth. They stand there motionless for a moment._] HARRY I want you—all over again—for the first time. CAROL [_Stroking his face_] Darling. HARRY I’m crazy about you. CAROL You must go home to bed now. HARRY Will you telephone me? CAROL Yes. HARRY First thing? CAROL Yes. HARRY Promise. CAROL Promise. [_They go out of the door. There is a little whispering in the hall. Then a silence and the sound of the front door closing gently. CAROL comes back into the studio pensively. She finishes her whisky and soda, takes a biscuit, and flings her cloak over her arm; then she switches off the light and goes slowly off up R. Her door closes. After a slight pause EDWARD CHURT rises from the big armchair by the fire in which he has been sitting with his back to the audience, and goes over to the table. He switches on the lamp again and helps himself to a sandwich; he munches it thoughtfully for a moment, then with an air of determination picks up the whole plate, switches off the lamp and—retires to his room._] CURTAIN SCENE II _The scene is the same. It is an afternoon a few weeks later about five o’clock._ [_When the curtain rises, LADY MARGOT BUTLER is seated down-stage in a slightly picturesque attitude. She is a good-looking woman of about thirty-five. EDWARD is working on a sketch of her and is hidden from view behind an easel._] MARGOT I’m much more comfortable now, Edward. EDWARD Yes, I see you are. Would you mind getting uncomfortable again? MARGOT [_Rearranging herself_] It _is_ a shame. Why do you insist on drawing people in such agonizing positions? EDWARD It makes them feel they’re getting their money’s worth. You can rest in a moment and have a cigarette. MARGOT Was Violet Netherson pleased with your malicious portrayal of all her worst points? EDWARD Delighted. As a matter of fact, it _is_ one of the best things I’ve done. MARGOT Yes, but hardly from her point of view. I should never forgive you if you did that to me. EDWARD I shall do something much worse if you don’t keep still. MARGOT What about that cigarette? EDWARD Shut up. MARGOT All right. [_There is silence for a moment._] Is that one by the door new? EDWARD Yes, it’s the Fenwick girl—her mother’s convinced that she’s a wild woodland type. MARGOT St. John’s Woodland. EDWARD I had a bit of a tussle with her. MARGOT I like it. EDWARD There now, you can relax. I shan’t do any more to-day. [_MARGOT rises quickly and strides about._] MARGOT I should loathe to be a professional model. EDWARD There are worse fates I believe. Would you like tea or cocktails or anything? MARGOT I should like some tea now and a cocktail later on. EDWARD Are you going to stay a long time? MARGOT I told Bobbie to pick me up. EDWARD [_Ringing bell_] How is Bobbie? MARGOT Splendid. I’m still mad about him. EDWARD That’s right. MARGOT You don’t like him, do you? EDWARD I hardly know him. MARGOT He’s such a darling, and a great comfort to me. EDWARD [_Standing back and regarding his sketch_] I shall only need one more sitting. MARGOT I believe you disapprove of me and Bobbie. EDWARD Don’t be ridiculous. Why should I? MARGOT You must _never_ disapprove of things, Edward. It’s so second rate. EDWARD You don’t mean that a bit. MARGOT Yes, I do. EDWARD You secretly disapprove of the whole affair, yourself, really. That’s why you always talk about it so much—to sort of brazen it out and put yourself straight with yourself. MARGOT Edward, how _can_ you! Anyhow, why shouldn’t I talk about it. You all know. Everybody knows. EDWARD Reticence as a national quality seems to be on the wane. MARGOT What a pompous remark! EDWARD Perhaps—but true. [_Enter BERRY._] Tea please, Berry. BERRY Very good, sir. MARGOT Lemon with mine, please, Berry. BERRY Yes, my lady. [_He goes out._] MARGOT You’re an awfully difficult person to know properly. EDWARD Am I? MARGOT You don’t give an inch, do you? EDWARD Why should I? MARGOT Oh, I don’t know. Confidences and discussions of everything make life so much more amusing. EDWARD Modern society seems to demand intimacy all in a minute. You all lay bare your private affairs to comparative strangers without a qualm. MARGOT Oh, Edward, dear, _we’re_ not strangers. EDWARD We met for the first time six months ago. MARGOT It seems _ever_ so much more. EDWARD You’d told me all about Jim and Bobbie and your exact feelings toward each of them before we’d known each other a month. MARGOT It’s because you’re so sympathetic; you invite confidence. EDWARD Nonsense. MARGOT You’re being perfectly horrid to-day. Has anything happened to upset you? EDWARD No, I don’t think so. MARGOT Well I shan’t sit for you again unless you’re in a better temper. EDWARD Don’t be cross. MARGOT I’m not cross. I’m hurt. EDWARD I think perhaps I do feel a little nervy. MARGOT There now, I knew it. [_BERRY enters with tea._] EDWARD Here’s tea, anyhow. When Lord Romford calls, Berry, show him straight in, will you? BERRY Yes, sir. EDWARD You’d better make some cocktails. BERRY Very well, sir. [_He goes out._] MARGOT Do you want lemon or milk? EDWARD Neither, thanks. Just plain unvarnished tea. MARGOT Is that Katherine Loring? [_Looking at picture._] EDWARD Yes, unfinished. MARGOT She always is unfinished. She has a negligible personality, I’m afraid. Here you are. [_She hands him his tea._] EDWARD Thank you. MARGOT I hear Zoe’s back. EDWARD Yes, she rang me up this morning. MARGOT Where’s she been, exactly? EDWARD All over the place. MARGOT Who with? EDWARD By herself, I believe. MARGOT My dear, she must have been with _somebody_. She couldn’t have been all alone after all that awful business. She’d have gone mad. EDWARD She’ll be here soon. You’ll be able to ask her about it. MARGOT You were engaged to her once, weren’t you? EDWARD Now then, Margot. MARGOT You were. I _know_ you were. Carol told me. EDWARD Well, as a matter of fact, we weren’t actually. We’ve been friends since we were children and we did discuss marriage at one time, but without great conviction. MARGOT I can’t understand why she let Kenneth divorce her. Everybody knows— EDWARD Zoe wished for her freedom and just went about getting it as quickly as possible. MARGOT Well I don’t know how she could have faced it. I shouldn’t have dared— EDWARD You’re less independent than she is. MARGOT I believe you’re going to be horrid again. [_BERRY enters._] BERRY [_Announcing_] Lord Romford. [_BOBBIE ROMFORD enters. He is a nice-looking, meaningless young man._] BOBBIE Excuse my butting in like this, Churt. [_He and EDWARD shake hands._] EDWARD We were expecting you. The cocktails will be here in a moment. BOBBIE Hallo, Margot! How’s the picture going? MARGOT It’s nearly finished, but Edward won’t let me see it. He’s been thoroughly soured up all the afternoon. EDWARD Margot has been trying to persuade me to brush my hair with her. BOBBIE [_Puzzled_] Brush your hair? EDWARD Yes, metaphorically speaking. BOBBIE [_Relieved_] Oh, I see. EDWARD Hair-brushing is a symbol of girlish confidences. Even the nicest people do it. MARGOT Edward shuts up like a clam the moment I try to discuss anything in the least interesting. Where have you been, Bobbie? BOBBIE Playing squash with Evie at the Bath Club. EDWARD Why didn’t you bring him along? BOBBIE He said he was coming on later. MARGOT I suppose he won. BOBBIE Yes; he always does. [_Enter BERRY with a tray of cocktails._] EDWARD Put them down here, Berry. [_He clears a space on the table._] Do you want any more tea, Margot? MARGOT No thanks. EDWARD Take away the remains, then, Berry. BERRY Yes, sir. [_He piles the tea things up and takes them out._] BOBBIE I saw your wife in St. James’s Street, Churt. MARGOT [_Eagerly_] Who was she with? BOBBIE Harry Challoner. MARGOT I love Harry. Don’t you, Edward? EDWARD Passionately. MARGOT I expect they were going to Fanny’s. She’s got a mah-jong party. She seems to imagine it’s a novelty. I ought to be there, really, but I just felt I couldn’t bear it—all those hot scented women squabbling over the scores. BOBBIE Do you mind if I take a cigarette, Churt? EDWARD Of course not. I’m so sorry. [_He hands the box._] Margot? MARGOT Thanks, Edward dear. [_BERRY enters._] BERRY [_Announcing_] Mrs. St. Merryn. [_ZOE ST. MERRYN enters. She is beautifully dressed and pleasantly unexaggerated._] ZOE Edward! [_She takes both his hands._] I’m terribly excited at seeing you again. EDWARD It’s grand, isn’t it, after a whole year. ZOE I’ve got so much to say I don’t know where to start. [_She sees MARGOT._] Margot, this is lovely. How are you? [_They kiss._] MARGOT You look divine, darling. Do you know Bobbie? ZOE [_Shaking hands with him_] Bobbie who? MARGOT Romford, dear. ZOE [_With a swift glance at MARGOT._] Oh, yes, of course. I’ve heard of you. MARGOT _What_ have you heard? You must tell me. ZOE I can’t remember at the moment. Edward, give me a cigarette and a cocktail and tell me all about everything. EDWARD [_Ministering to her_] Cigarette—cocktail—there. ZOE Thank you. Now then— EDWARD I don’t know where to start any better than you do. ZOE How’s Carol? EDWARD Awfully well. ZOE Where is she? EDWARD Out. She leads rather a hectic life I’m afraid—matinées, bridge, mah-jong, dancing— ZOE You reel off those four harmless occupations as though they were the most ignoble of human frailties. EDWARD I didn’t mean to, really. ZOE They’re wonderful _pis allers_ for people who don’t do things. EDWARD I don’t believe in _pis allers_. ZOE That’s not a virtue; it’s just part of your creative equipment. MARGOT I want to hear all about your travels, Zoe—where you’ve been and who with. ZOE [_Laughing_] It’s difficult to remember accurately who I was with all the time. You may rest assured that I had an endless succession of lovers, beginning with an elderly mulatto in Honolulu and finishing with a retired matador in Seville. EDWARD I hope you’re satisfied, Margot. MARGOT Don’t be so annoying, Zoe. I really am frightfully interested. ZOE You always are, darling, in other people’s affairs. MARGOT Naturally—they all sound so much more entertaining than my own. Did you see Jim anywhere about in Spain? ZOE Yes, in Barcelona. He’d just come in from a yachting cruise. MARGOT [_Eagerly_] _Who_ was with him? _Do_ tell me! ZOE Nobody. I met him coming out of a bathroom at the Ritz. MARGOT Did he look more or less unattached? ZOE Yes. He seemed quite happy. EDWARD Margot’s interest in her husband is so maternal, it always makes me feel as though I were in the presence of something sacred! MARGOT I’m awfully fond of Jim, really—particularly when he’s on a yachting cruise. ZOE Are you definitely living apart now? MARGOT Oh yes—except for religious festivals like Easter and Christmas; then we forgather and go down to Draycott with the children. EDWARD [_Smiling_] It seems a comfortable arrangement, doesn’t it? ZOE Frightfully. MARGOT [_Reflectively_] We _could_ get a divorce, I suppose, but it would make such dreary complications. And then when you’re free there’s the awful danger of starting the whole thing over again with some one else. ZOE I haven’t noticed it. MARGOT You will, I expect, dear—later on. [_She rises._] I’ve enjoyed my nice cocktail very much, thank you, Edward. I must go now. Come and lunch on Thursday, Zoe darling. I’ve only got Rebecca coming. She’ll adore seeing you again. ZOE All right. One-thirty? MARGOT Yes. Come along, Bobbie. Good-by, Edward. Give my love to Carol. EDWARD I will. Good bye. BOBBIE Good bye. MARGOT [_At door_] You’ve come back from abroad a changed woman, Zoe, if _that’s_ any comfort to you. [_She and BOBBIE go out._] ZOE What a sham Margot is, isn’t she? EDWARD Not really. Just a type. ZOE Yes, but she’s a type that couldn’t exist unless surrounded by false values. EDWARD She’s making the best of a bad job. ZOE She’s letting everything slide—morals, dignity, and discretion. Thank Heaven, I broke away. I might have got like that. EDWARD I wonder if breaking away _is_ such a very good plan. ZOE Of course it is. It’s the most regenerating thing in the world. EDWARD You’re so dashing, Zoe. Have another cigarette? ZOE [_Taking one_] Thanks. I feel almost panic-stricken, you know. EDWARD Why? ZOE Coming back anywhere is always such a dreadful anti-climax. EDWARD Not such an anti-climax as staying still. ZOE To think that all this used to be my life before I let Kenneth divorce me. EDWARD It’s pretty futile, isn’t it? ZOE Futile! I return after a year’s oblivion, thrilled and excited, longing to see all my old friends, and what do I find? Clacking shallow nonentities doing the same things, saying the same things, thinking the same things. They’re stale. They seem to have lost all wit and charm, and restraint—or perhaps they never had any. Oh dear! I’ve never felt so depressed in my life. EDWARD I hope I haven’t let you down, too. ZOE No, Edward. You’re unchanged; a little dim, perhaps. EDWARD Dim? ZOE Yes. All your vitality seems to have been snuffed out by something. I expect it’s success. That’s always frightfully undermining. EDWARD Yes, I suppose it is. ZOE Are you pleased with everything? EDWARD Naturally. ZOE I’m sorry. EDWARD Why? Oughtn’t I to be? ZOE You oughtn’t to pretend. EDWARD Pretend? ZOE Yes. You never used to—with me, anyhow. EDWARD One gets into the habit of accepting things at their surface value and not looking any deeper. ZOE It’s a bad habit. EDWARD I must pretend. Don’t you see? ZOE No. EDWARD I’m successful—prosperous. I’ve got everything I wanted. ZOE You haven’t. You’ve merely got what other people think you wanted. EDWARD [_Smiling_] You’re wonderfully stimulating, Zoe—like a breath of Brighton air. ZOE You look as if you need stimulating, badly. EDWARD I do. ZOE I’m glad I came back now. EDWARD So am I. Devoutly glad. ZOE What’s wrong? EDWARD Lots of things. ZOE Carol? EDWARD Yes. ZOE I thought so. EDWARD You were right from the first. It’s been a dreary failure. ZOE I apologize. It’s so irritating being right. EDWARD It doesn’t irritate me in the least. With anyone else it would, perhaps. But you’re different; you always have been. ZOE I know you better than most people. EDWARD I know you do. ZOE What has she been doing? EDWARD The obvious thing. ZOE I must say I consider marriage an overrated amusement. EDWARD I feel rather lost. ZOE Yes, I did, too—over Kenneth. It’s a nasty feeling. EDWARD It’s so difficult to know exactly the right attitude to adopt. ZOE Are you in love with her still? EDWARD I don’t know, really. Not violently like at first—that’s died down, naturally—but somehow—things get an awful hold on you, don’t they? ZOE Yes, fortunately for the sanctity of home life. EDWARD But the hold ought to be mutual. ZOE Quite. EDWARD I have moments of fierce rage, you know; then it evaporates, leaving a dead sort of a calm. ZOE How long have you known? EDWARD Ages, subconsciously; definitely, only a few weeks. ZOE Does she know you know? EDWARD She hasn’t the faintest suspicion. She’s always been marvelously self-assured. ZOE She’s a lovely creature—governed entirely by sex. That’s why she’s self-assured. EDWARD Will she always go on like this? ZOE I expect so. Anyhow, as long as she remains attractive—probably after. That’s the penalty of her type. EDWARD It’s beastly, isn’t it? ZOE Yes, but quite inevitable, I’m afraid. You see she’s got no intellect to provide ballast. EDWARD Poor Carol. ZOE I think you’re the one to be considered most at the present moment. EDWARD Do you think I ought to have a scene with her about it? I shrink from that. It seems to double the humiliation. ZOE I honestly don’t know what to say. She’s been actually unfaithful to you? EDWARD Yes. ZOE Often? EDWARD [_Wearily_] I suppose so. Harry Challoner is in possession at present. ZOE Oh dear! How typical. EDWARD Everything of that sort is made so much easier for people nowadays. I suppose it’s an aftermath of the war. ZOE It’s the obvious result of this “barriers down” phase through which we seem to be passing. Everyone is at close quarters with everyone else. There’s no more glamour. Everything’s indefinite and blurred except sex, so people are instinctively turning to that with a rather jaded vigor. It’s pathetic when you begin to analyze it. EDWARD What fools they all are! ZOE [_Half smiling_] Has being a success made you realize that? EDWARD Yes. There wasn’t time before. ZOE Why don’t you do what I did—go away? EDWARD It means sacrificing a good deal of work here in London. I’ve only just got my foot in, really. ZOE Divorce? EDWARD I don’t feel equal to it at the moment—all the vile publicity, and the lascivious curiosity leveled at Carol and me. It makes me shudder to think of it. ZOE For a society portrait-painter you seem unduly sensitive. EDWARD If I felt vindictive toward Carol it would be so much easier. But I don’t—I merely feel nauseated and frightfully, frightfully bored. ZOE The longer you allow it to drift, the worse it will become. EDWARD You think I ought to clinch it finally. ZOE Yes, I do. Once you’ve embarked you’ll feel better. EDWARD No, I shan’t. ZOE I believe you are still in love with her. EDWARD No; but I could be again if everything were all right. Oh, Zoe, I loathe this age and everything to do with it. Men of my sort are the products of over-civilization. All the red-blooded honest-to-God emotions have been squeezed out of us. We’re incapable of hating enough or loving enough. When any big moment comes along, good or bad, we hedge round it, arguing, weighing it in the balance of reason and psychology, trying to readjust the values until there’s nothing left and nothing achieved. I wish I were primitive enough to thrash Carol and drive her out of my life forever—or strong enough to hold her—but I’m not; I’m just an ass—an intelligent spineless ass! [_He flings himself into a chair and takes a cigarette._] ZOE All the same, being the product of an Age equips you for grappling with it. You’ve got more chance as you are than, say, Evie Bathurst, for instance. EDWARD Evie goes straight for what he wants and gets it. ZOE He doesn’t demand as much as you. EDWARD He’s a damned sight happier. ZOE I should imagine he misses a good deal. EDWARD What does that matter? This situation could never happen to him. He wouldn’t let it. ZOE You mustn’t place too much faith in the strong and silent, Edward. They crumple up quicker than any of us when confronted with something outside their very limited range. EDWARD You don’t like Evie, do you? ZOE You forget I’ve been married to one of his species. EDWARD Evie’s not a cad. ZOE How do you know? EDWARD He could never behave as foully as Kenneth. ZOE Kenneth was never anything but an honorable, clean-living Englishman. EDWARD He divorced you. ZOE Only because I made him. EDWARD Why didn’t he let you divorce him? ZOE It would have been bad for his military career. EDWARD You deliberately put yourself in the wrong. ZOE Yes. EDWARD And you really think it was worth while? ZOE Certainly I do. Our mutual boredom was verging on hatred—there was no hope of getting back, ever. What’s the use of going on with a thing that’s dead and done for? I decided to break free. EDWARD Is one really happier free? ZOE Don’t be fatuous, Edward darling. EDWARD I don’t think I have enough initiative to do anything definite like that. ZOE You don’t need much initiative. All you’ve got to do is wait for your opportunity, and grab it! [_Enter BERRY._] BERRY [_Announcing_] Major Bathurst. [_Enter EVELYN BATHURST. He is tall, handsome, soldierly, and essentially masculine. His gaze is frank and correct._] [_BERRY exits._] EVELYN Hullo, Edward! Zoe, I haven’t seen you for years. [_They shake hands._] ZOE How are you, Evie? EVELYN Splendid! I feel awfully guilty, though. I meant to have written and sympathized over all your beastly divorce business. Will you forgive me? ZOE There’s nothing to forgive. It was all a howling success, anyway. EVELYN Success! Whew! You must have had the hell of a time! ZOE It was unpleasant but illuminating. EDWARD Want a cocktail, Evie? EVELYN No, thanks. EDWARD Cigarette? EVELYN Rather—yes. [_He takes one._] ZOE How was India? EVELYN I don’t know. I haven’t been there. ZOE I’m so sorry. I thought you had. EVELYN No. Morocco was quite warm enough for me. ZOE You arrived at an opportune moment. We were just discussing you. EVELYN Good God! What for? ZOE Edward was wishing he were more like you. EVELYN That’s uncommonly nice and right of him. Why this sudden burst of inferiority, Edward? EDWARD It’s been brewing up for a long time. EVELYN [_Laughing_] Oh, well, we all come to our senses sooner or later. ZOE Not always, Evie. EVELYN My only quarrel with Edward is he doesn’t take enough exercise. EDWARD I’m not very good at exercise. EVELYN You never make any effort. Why don’t you come and play squash with me sometimes? EDWARD That’s not exercise, it’s flagellation. EVELYN He’s looking a bit off color, don’t you think, Zoe? ZOE Only comparatively. EVELYN Been over-working, I suppose? EDWARD No, not really. ZOE [_Rising_] I must go now, Edward. EVELYN I shall take it as a personal affront if you leave the moment I arrive. ZOE No, you won’t, Evie. Good-by. EVELYN [_Shaking hands_] Come and have a bit of food sometime. ZOE I should love to. EVELYN Where are you staying? ZOE Claridges. EVELYN Right. I’ll call you up. ZOE Good-by, Edward. EDWARD Come again soon, please. ZOE Of course. Telephone me to-morrow morning. EDWARD I will. ZOE Give my love to Carol. [_EVELYN opens the door for her and she goes out. EDWARD stands looking after her thoughtfully._] EVELYN [_Sitting down again_] Extraordinary woman Zoe. EDWARD Why extraordinary? EVELYN I don’t know. She’s so self-assured. EDWARD [_Absently_] Yes. I think she has every reason to be. EVELYN She faced all that divorce business very pluckily. Kenneth seems to have behaved like a pretty average swine. EDWARD Yes. EVELYN Why on earth did she ever marry him? EDWARD [_Wearily_] Why does anyone ever marry anyone? EVELYN I’ve never felt the urge very strongly. I suppose I’ve seen too much of it. EDWARD That doesn’t make any difference, really. EVELYN Women are so damned complicated to live with—specially Zoe’s sort. EDWARD I don’t think Zoe is particularly complicated. She’s always appeared to me to be pretty clear-headed and direct. EVELYN Oh well, you know her better than I do. EDWARD You’re wonderfully single-minded, aren’t you? EVELYN Single-minded? EDWARD Yes. You live according to formulated codes, and you never try to look either under or over them. I do envy you. EVELYN You needn’t. I have my ups and downs. EDWARD Do you, really? Ever since we were at school I’ve always regarded you as being quite invulnerable. EVELYN [_Complacently_] Don’t be a fool, old man. EDWARD I suppose it’s a remnant of hero worship. EVELYN Rot! I’m a bit more balanced than you, that’s all. EDWARD That wouldn’t be very difficult. EVELYN I came here to-day with a purpose. I’m a bit worried. I want to talk to you seriously. EDWARD What about? EVELYN Lots of things. EDWARD All right. Go on. EVELYN I don’t know how to start, quite; it’s difficult. EDWARD Why difficult? EVELYN Well, you’re a bit touchy at times, aren’t you? EDWARD What’s the matter, Evie? EVELYN Nothing actually yet—at least, I hope not. EDWARD I know what you’re driving at. EVELYN Do you? EDWARD Yes. EVELYN Are you sure you do? EDWARD People have been talking about Carol, I suppose. EVELYN Exactly. EDWARD Well, you needn’t worry. EVELYN I shouldn’t, ordinarily, but somehow in this case it’s different. EDWARD No, it isn’t; it’s exactly the same; it’s a situation that occurs over and over again with everybody. That’s why it’s such a bore. EVELYN That’s a silly sort of attitude to take up. EDWARD No sillier than any other. EVELYN Aren’t you going to do anything? EDWARD O God! [_He turns away._] EVELYN Well, you’ll have to sooner or later. EDWARD What is there to do? EVELYN Read the riot act. EDWARD Do you seriously imagine that that’s in any way a final solution? EVELYN It ought to bring her to her senses a bit, if you did it with conviction. EDWARD That’s the trouble. I haven’t got a conviction. EVELYN Hang it all man, she is your wife! EDWARD I’m not a man of property. EVELYN How do you mean? EDWARD I mean I can’t look on Carol as a sort of American trunk. EVELYN [_Exasperated_] What _are_ you talking about? EDWARD She’s a human being, not an inanimate object over which I can assert legal rights. EVELYN If all husbands adopted that tone, England would be in a nice state. EDWARD It _is_ in a nice state. EVELYN You make me tired sometimes, Edward. EDWARD I expect I do, but it can’t be helped. EVELYN Yes, it can. EDWARD How? EVELYN Pull yourself together; show a little spirit. EDWARD I suppose you think that if I grabbed Carol by the hair of the head and banged her about and hurled abuse at her, she’d fall at my feet in ecstasies of adoration? EVELYN I shouldn’t be surprised. Anyhow, it probably would do her good. EDWARD For an upstanding British soldier you have an astounding sense of the theater. EVELYN Oh, you can think me a red-blooded savage if you like, but I’m damned if I’d sit down quietly and let my wife make a fool of me. EDWARD [_Gently_] You haven’t got a wife, Evie. If you had you’d probably be utterly vanquished quicker than anyone. EVELYN Not me. I know the game too well. EDWARD Only from looking on, though. That makes an enormous difference. EVELYN Look here, Edward. Why not be sensible about all this? EDWARD I am, really. EVELYN Nonsense! EDWARD It’s no use, Evie. Things will have to take their course. EVELYN [_Contemptuously_] Line of least resistance, eh? EDWARD Yes. EVELYN To hell with the line of least resistance. EDWARD She can’t help herself; she’s made like that. EVELYN Rubbish! EDWARD It isn’t rubbish. She’s the sort of woman who must attract people all the time. One conquest isn’t enough; she must go on and on. EVELYN You talk as though she were only just flirting about for the fun of the thing. EDWARD Perhaps she is. EVELYN What’s the use of blinding yourself? EDWARD Oh, shut up, Evie! EVELYN This is more serious than you think. EDWARD No, it isn’t. EVELYN What do you feel—honestly? EDWARD I’ve told you—bored. EVELYN That’s not true. EDWARD All right. EVELYN I know it isn’t. We haven’t been pals all these years for nothing. You can’t deceive me as easily as that. EDWARD What do you want me to feel, exactly? EVELYN You’ve got to _do_ something. EDWARD What? EVELYN If you don’t, I shall. EDWARD Evie, if you mention one word of all this to Carol or anyone in the world, I’ll never forgive you. EVELYN You needn’t worry. I’ve got a better plan than talking. EDWARD What is it? EVELYN Leave it to me. EDWARD Evie— EVELYN She ought to be taught a lesson. EDWARD What sort of lesson? EVELYN She wants some of the self-assurance knocked out of her. EDWARD [_Smiling_] Really, Evie! EVELYN She needs humiliating. EDWARD You’re positively vindictive. EVELYN Perhaps I am, but it’s for your sake. EDWARD I’d no idea you disliked Carol so heartily. EVELYN It isn’t that at all. I don’t like or dislike her. She never pays attention to me, anyhow. EDWARD To think that there’s even a streak of feminine in you! EVELYN What do you mean? EDWARD Never mind. EVELYN I won’t stand by and see you let down all along the line. EDWARD It’s awfully sweet of you, Evie, to be so cross, but you really mustn’t be. I’m the one to get cross if necessary. EVELYN It is necessary. EDWARD You must allow me to be the best judge of that. EVELYN Now look here, Edward— EDWARD Remember what I said—you’re not to interfere. It’s my affair, and mine alone. EVELYN I know a good deal more about women than you. EDWARD Do you, Evie? EVELYN I’ve handled too many of them not to. EDWARD How mechanical that sounds. [_He laughs._] EVELYN Oh, you’re hopeless. [_The door opens and CAROL comes in. She is, as usual, looking delightful._] CAROL Hallo, Evie! [_She shakes hands with him._] Are there any telephone messages for me, Edward? EDWARD No. CAROL [_Taking off her gloves_] I’m quite exhausted. EDWARD Where have you been? CAROL Playing mah-jong with Fanny, I won a good deal. EVELYN Splendid. CAROL How’s Margot’s picture going? EDWARD It’s nearly finished. CAROL Give me a cigarette, Evie. EVELYN [_Handing her a cigarette_] You look remarkably fit, Carol. CAROL [_Smiling_] I am fit, but I’m a tiny bit worried over Edward. EVELYN Why, he looks all right to me. CAROL You don’t know him like I do. I can always tell when he’s tired and overworked, can’t I, darling? EDWARD Yes, I’m sure you can. CAROL It’s all these people buzzing round him all day. Let’s go away, Edward, and have a real holiday—somewhere quiet. EVELYN That’s a damned good idea. EDWARD [_Smiling_] I can’t—for the next six weeks, anyhow. CAROL [_With a slight shrug_] There you see? It’s quite impossible to do anything with him. EVELYN Why don’t you chuck everything, and just go? EDWARD Funnily enough, Zoe suggested that this afternoon. CAROL Zoe? I didn’t know she was back. EDWARD She arrived yesterday. CAROL Why didn’t you tell me? EDWARD I didn’t know until this morning. She rang me up. CAROL Well, she didn’t lose much time anyhow. EDWARD I don’t see why she should. CAROL I suppose she talked and talked and talked as usual. EDWARD Yes, we both talked a good bit. CAROL What about? EDWARD Everything. CAROL No wonder you look tired. EVELYN She looked awfully well. CAROL She always does. She’s wonderfully healthy. EDWARD [_With faint malice_] She sent you her love. CAROL [_Bored_] Oh—give her mine when she rings up again. EDWARD You’ll see her to-night at the Harringtons’. CAROL No, I shan’t. I’m not going. They’re going to have that awful string quartette again. I suffered so acutely last time. EDWARD I shall go by myself, then. CAROL Never mind. You’ll be able to talk to Zoe. EDWARD Where are you dining? CAROL With the Challoners at the Embassy; then we’re going on somewhere. EDWARD Do you want the car? CAROL No. They’re picking me up. EDWARD Right. I’ll go and dress. Don’t go, Evie. We might have a slight aperitif at one of your disreputable clubs before dinner. CAROL Are you dining together? EDWARD No. I’m going to the Russian Ballet with Richard and Sheila. They’ve got a box or something. [_EDWARD goes off into his bedroom._] EVELYN You’re looking charming, Carol. CAROL [_Raising her eyebrows_] Thank you. EVELYN That’s a splendid hat. Is it new? CAROL No—incredibly old. EVELYN Well, it doesn’t look it. CAROL I’m glad. [_She goes toward the door._] EVELYN Carol— CAROL [_Turning_] Yes? EVELYN Nothing. CAROL [_Surprised_] Is there anything the matter? EVELYN No—honestly it’s nothing. CAROL Oh well, I must go and dress, too. See you later on. EVELYN I shall be gone when you come down. CAROL Really, Evie, you’re behaving very strangely. EVELYN Why? CAROL I don’t know. You seem different, somehow. EVELYN Won’t you stay and talk for a moment. I haven’t seen you to speak to for ages. CAROL That’s your fault. EVELYN You’re always so engaged. CAROL I never seem to have a minute for anything. I _do_ wish life wasn’t so hectic. EVELYN Why do you let it be? CAROL I don’t. It just happens like that. EVELYN I’d resent it a good deal if you were my wife. CAROL [_Smiling_] Aren’t you glad I’m not, Evie? EVELYN I don’t know. CAROL [_Surprised_] Well, now! I thought you disliked me thoroughly! EVELYN Disliked you? CAROL Yes. You always have such a polite preoccupied air with me. It makes me feel terribly frivolous and shallow. EVELYN How can you, Carol? CAROL [_Gayly_] It’s true. You’re the kind of man who despises women dreadfully—I know you are. EVELYN You’re quite wrong. I adore them. CAROL Well, that’s a lovely surprise, isn’t it? EVELYN I can’t get over you imagining that I disliked you. CAROL I expect it’s because you’re so tremendously fond of Edward. One always feels that with one’s husband’s friends. EVELYN I don’t see any reason, just because I like Edward, that—— CAROL Don’t you, Evie? EVELYN Of course not. CAROL Well, I’m very, very glad. EVELYN That’s settled, then, isn’t it? CAROL Quite. I shan’t be frightened of you any more. EVELYN Frightened of me! How ridiculous! CAROL It isn’t ridiculous; it’s quite natural. EVELYN I don’t see why. I’m perfectly harmless. CAROL Are you? EVELYN Mild as a kitten. CAROL I wonder. EVELYN To think you’ve been building up the most frightful image of me in your mind all this time and I never knew. CAROL You can’t blame me, really. EVELYN Yes, I can. It’s awfully suspicious and distrustful of you. CAROL It’s your own fault, for holding so aloof. EVELYN I don’t hold aloof a bit. CAROL You’ve never talked anything but commonplaces to me ever since I’ve known you. EVELYN You never gave me the chance. CAROL What did you expect me to do? EVELYN I don’t know. Just be nice. CAROL Haven’t I been nice? I’m so sorry. EVELYN Yes, I suppose you have, really, but I’ve always felt you thought me rather dull. CAROL You have been—up to now. EVELYN [_Despondently_] There you are, then! CAROL [_Quietly_] I said “up to now.” EVELYN Men of my sort are all wrong in society. We don’t seem to fit in, somehow. CAROL Are you glad or sorry? EVELYN Well, to be frank, I’m glad, until moments like this crop up. CAROL You’re awfully funny, you know. EVELYN Funny? CAROL Yes. You do despise women, after all. EVELYN How do you mean? CAROL You think we only like men who play up and talk well and dance well. EVELYN It’s only natural that you should. CAROL Oh no, it isn’t. EVELYN You think there’s some hope for me, after all, then? CAROL Now you’re fishing. EVELYN It’s cruel of you to snap me up like that. CAROL I’m sorry, Evie. EVELYN You’d find me a fearful bore after a bit, you know. CAROL Why should I? EVELYN I take things so damned seriously. CAROL That’s refreshing! Most of the men I know don’t take things seriously enough. EVELYN What an extraordinary woman you are! CAROL Why extraordinary? EVELYN Making me talk like this. I never have before. CAROL I shall take that as a compliment, whether you like it or not. EVELYN I mean it. CAROL Yes, I know you do. EVELYN I see now why your life’s so hectic and why everyone runs after you so much. CAROL [_Smiling_] Why? EVELYN You’ve got the most amazing knack of drawing people out. CAROL Not always. Only people I like. EVELYN You’ve made me feel lonely for the first time in my life. CAROL How hateful of me! EVELYN It’s not your fault; it’s mine. CAROL In what way? EVELYN I ought to make more efforts and not be so boorish. CAROL You’re not in the least boorish. EVELYN Yes, I am—utterly wrapped up in my own affairs, then suddenly some one like you comes along and makes me realize all in a minute what a lot I’m missing. CAROL You’re not missing much, really. It’s much better to remain yourself than try to be something you’re not. EVELYN It’s awfully sweet of you to say that. CAROL I mean it honestly. You never can guess how tired I get by having the same sort of things said to me always. EVELYN Do you really? CAROL Of course. EVELYN I wish you weren’t dining out to-night. CAROL Why? EVELYN I’d like better than anything in the world for you to come and dine with me quietly. CAROL I’d adore to, Evie, but, you see— EVELYN Oh, I know you can’t possibly; but it seems hard that the moment I begin to get to know you properly you’re whisked out of sight again. CAROL [_Gently_] There are lots of other nights. EVELYN Yes, I suppose there are. CAROL I’m certainly not frightened of you any more now—you’re an absolute baby. EVELYN Crying for the moon? CAROL I don’t rate myself quite so high as that. EVELYN You’re just as unattainable. CAROL Evie! EVELYN I’m sorry. I oughtn’t to have said that. CAROL [_After a slight pause_] I don’t mind. EVELYN You are a dear. CAROL Am I? EVELYN May I ring you up to-morrow morning? CAROL Of course. EVELYN And perhaps—some time soon—? CAROL [_With determination_] I’ll dine with you to-night, Evie. EVELYN Carol! CAROL Yes. I can put off the Challoners. They bore me stiff, anyway. I’d much rather talk to you. EVELYN I say, it’s most terribly sweet of you to take pity on me like this. CAROL Don’t be silly. It’ll be a mutual benefit. I’m bored and you’re bored. Where shall we dine? EVELYN Anywhere you choose. CAROL The awful thing is I simply daren’t go anywhere where I’m likely to be seen. EVELYN We could dine at the flat if you like, but it will be fearfully dull. CAROL Oh, _let’s_ do that. And we can creep out somewhere afterward if we feel like it. EVELYN Are you sure that’s all right? CAROL Positive. It will be divine being quiet for once. EVELYN Don’t say anything to Edward. CAROL [_Quickly_] Why not? EVELYN Well, I got out of dining with him to-night. I wanted to be by myself, you see. CAROL Well, you’re not going to be now. EVELYN I know. Isn’t it damnable? CAROL Beastly. Will you fetch me? EVELYN Yes. What time? CAROL Latish—about nine. EVELYN Splendid— [_Enter EDWARD in evening dress._] CAROL You have been quick. EDWARD I’ve hurried. I know how impatient Evie is. Are you quite determined about the Harringtons, Carol? CAROL _Quite!_ I simply couldn’t bear it. EDWARD Oh, all right, then. I’ll apologize for you. CAROL Do, there’s a dear. Good-by, Evie. Come and see me again soon. EVELYN Thanks. I will. EDWARD Come on. I haven’t got much time. Good-night, Carol. CAROL Good-night, darling. [_EDWARD and EVELYN go off. CAROL lights a cigarette and goes to the telephone._] CAROL [_At telephone_] Mayfair 7,065 please.... Yes. [_A pause_] Hallo! Is that you, Fay.... Yes. Can I speak to Harry? Oh yes, rather. I’ll hold on.... Harry.... Yes, it’s me. Look here, I can’t dine to-night, because I can’t, I feel too tired. I may not have looked tired this afternoon, but I tell you I am now.... Don’t be so annoying, Harry.... No, it isn’t that at all. I’m going to dine in bed.... No, don’t. I shall probably be asleep.... Well, of course, if you’re going to talk like that.... I’m afraid you’re developing into a bore, Harry. I’m _so_ sorry! [_She bangs down the receiver._] Silly fool! [_She picks up her bag and gloves and goes off._] CURTAIN “THIS WAS A MAN” Act Two ACT II _The scene is EVELYN BATHURST’S flat. It is a manly apartment, furnished with precision but no imagination. There is a door up left opening into a small hall and thence to the front door. Up right is EVIE’S bedroom and down left a service door. Between these two is the fireplace, in front of which is a large sofa and a couple of armchairs. The windows occupy the right wall. The table, center, is laid for two._ [_When the curtain rises, it is about 9.15 p.m. and BLACKWELL is putting the finishing touches, which consist of a bowl of roses and a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket. He is regarding his handiwork pensively when there comes the sound of a key in the front door. After a moment EVELYN and CAROL enter. EVELYN is wearing a dinner jacket; CAROL, an elaborately simple dinner dress and cloak._] CAROL What a nice flat! EVELYN I’ve been here for years. CAROL It’s all quite typical of you. EVELYN How do you know? CAROL Well, don’t you think it is? EVELYN I’ve never thought about it much. CAROL Solid and rather austere. EVELYN That sounds beastly. CAROL No. I like it. EVELYN I’m glad. Let me take your cloak. [_He takes her cloak and lays it over a chair._] Cocktails please, Blackwell. BLACKWELL Yes, sir. [_He goes off._] CAROL I suppose he’s been with you as long as the flat? EVELYN Longer, really; he was my batman when I was a raw subaltern. CAROL [_Smiling_] You must have been rather nice as a subaltern. EVELYN Oh no, I wasn’t. You ask Edward. CAROL Edward adores you. EVELYN We’re very old friends. CAROL It’s always puzzled me. You’re so very different from each other. EVELYN Edward’s a damn sight cleverer. CAROL Now then— EVELYN But he is. CAROL You seem to have done very well at your job and you’re always winning things. EVELYN I haven’t done anything. CAROL Nonsense. [_She wanders round the room, looking at photographs._] Who’s this? EVELYN Mary Liddle. I was engaged to her once. CAROL Oh, I see. EVELYN I suppose you want to know why nothing ever came of it. CAROL Of course. EVELYN She ran off with some one she hardly knew. CAROL What a shame! EVELYN I expect I bored her stiff— CAROL Were you very much in love with her? EVELYN Yes. I think I was. CAROL I can’t imagine you in love. EVELYN It doesn’t happen often. CAROL [_Smiling and patting his arm_] Never mind, Evie. EVELYN I don’t. It’s a relief really. [_BLACKWELL enters with the cocktails; they both take them._] EVELYN Dinner please, Blackwell. BLACKWELL Very good, sir. [_He goes out._] CAROL [_At another photograph_] Is this your mother? EVELYN Yes. CAROL You’re awfully like her. EVELYN It’s the nose, I think. CAROL And the chin—so firm and unrelenting. I love firm chins. EVELYN They’re awfully deceptive. CAROL [_Sipping her cocktail_] Are they, Evie? EVELYN Yes. I’m as weak as water, really. CAROL You’ll have to prove it to me before I believe it. EVELYN I’d rather not. [_BLACKWELL enters with caviare._] EVELYN Come and sit down. CAROL [_Sitting at table_] What divine roses! EVELYN They’re in your honor. CAROL Thank you. I hoped they were. [_BLACKWELL helps her to caviare._] EVELYN [_Opening champagne_] I feel awfully flattered at your being here. CAROL Why should you? EVELYN I just do. CAROL Don’t be silly. [_He fills her glass and his own._] Thanks. EVELYN I feel flattered because it’s something I never thought possible. CAROL Me dining with you? EVELYN Yes. CAROL Idiot. [_She smiles._] EVELYN I’ve always seen you as a frightfully dazzling creature—always in demand—always rushing about. CAROL Just because you feel flattered yourself, you mustn’t begin to flatter me. EVELYN Is that flattery? CAROL Isn’t it? EVELYN Well yes, and no. CAROL You mean you’ve never quite approved of me. EVELYN I didn’t say that. CAROL I believe it’s true, all the same. EVELYN I’ve wondered a bit what you were really like. CAROL [_With subtle pathos_] I don’t think I know, myself. EVELYN You haven’t had much time to think, have you? CAROL No—I suppose not. EVELYN [_Sententiously_] We’re all so different underneath. CAROL [_Laughing_] Oh, Evie! EVELYN What? CAROL You’re awfully serious. EVELYN Don’t laugh at me. CAROL I wasn’t. EVELYN I don’t mind, really; it shows that you’re enjoying yourself. CAROL I am thoroughly. EVELYN I was terrified that you’d be bored. CAROL You’re fishing again. EVELYN I wish you weren’t so quick; it embarrasses me. [_He laughs._] CAROL I’ll try to be slower. [_She laughs too._] EVELYN I’m the plodding sort, you know—gets there in the end, but takes a long time about it. CAROL Nonsense! EVELYN The British army doesn’t specialize in wit. CAROL I won’t hear a word against the British army. EVELYN [_With jocularity_] Hurrah! [_They both laugh._] CAROL You’re like a schoolboy. EVELYN I feel one with you. CAROL Do I look so terribly old? EVELYN You know I didn’t mean that. CAROL I’ll let you off this time, but you mustn’t do it again. [_BLACKWELL enters with the soup; he takes away the caviare plates._] EVELYN How long is it since you dined quietly like this? CAROL Oh, ages. EVELYN I thought so. CAROL You’re looking disapproving again. [_BLACKWELL serves the soup and exits._] EVELYN I think I’m envious. CAROL Envious? EVELYN Yes. CAROL No, you’re not, really. EVELYN Your life would never suit me, I know, but somehow it does sound rather fun, for a change. CAROL Let’s make a bargain. EVELYN I know what you’re going to say. CAROL Change over for a bit. EVELYN Temptress. CAROL You come out to a few theaters and parties with me— EVELYN I can’t dance well enough. CAROL I’ll soon teach you. EVELYN I’d drive you mad. CAROL Have you a gramophone here? EVELYN Yes. CAROL We’ll start after dinner. EVELYN All right. CAROL And whenever I’m tired and sick of everything, I’ll come here and dine quietly like this. EVELYN Will you, honestly? CAROL Of course, if you stick to your side of the compact. EVELYN I don’t believe you’ll have the patience to carry it through. CAROL You must despise me. EVELYN Despise you? Good Heavens! Why? CAROL You’re so untrusting. EVELYN No, I’m not; but it does look as though I were going to get more out of this than you. CAROL Not at all. It’s a perfectly fair exchange. You’ve no idea how utterly weary I get every now and then. EVELYN Poor Carol. CAROL This is peace, absolute peace, and I’m tremendously grateful to you for it. [_They look at each other in silence for a moment. EVELYN’S expression is faintly nonplused._] EVELYN The compact’s on. CAROL Good! Shake hands. EVELYN Right you are. [_They shake hands across the table. CAROL allows hers to remain in his a shade more than is strictly necessary._] CAROL Do you want to come to the first night of “Round Pegs” on Thursday? EVELYN What on earth’s that? CAROL A new play by Burton Trask. EVELYN Who’s he? CAROL [_Laughing_] Oh, Evie! EVELYN Well, how should I know? CAROL He’s only the most talked of dramatist we’ve got. EVELYN Sorry. CAROL He wrote “The Sinful Spinster.” EVELYN Oh, the play all the fuss was about last year. CAROL Yes. EVELYN It sounded pretty hot stuff. CAROL It wasn’t, really, but the woman in it fell in love with a man younger than herself and the Church of England didn’t like it. EVELYN Oh, I see! CAROL You need educating badly. EVELYN I’m afraid I do. [_BLACKWELL enters and takes away their soup plates._] CAROL Wasn’t it funny us talking this afternoon and you asking me to dine all in a minute? EVELYN Awfully funny, but very lucky for me. CAROL You make me feel shy when you say things like that. It was just as lucky for me. EVELYN [_With intensity_] Was it, honestly? CAROL [_Looking down_] Of course. [_BLACKWELL enters with partridges and attendant vegetables. He serves them during the ensuing dialogue._] EVELYN Edward’s looking awfully tired these days. CAROL [_Absently_] Is he? I haven’t noticed it. EVELYN Why, you said so yourself this afternoon. CAROL So I did. I remember he looked very wan when I came in. By the way, what were you two discussing so intently. I felt as though I were interrupting a Masonic meeting. EVELYN Nothing particular. CAROL Me, by any chance? EVELYN Good Heavens, no! CAROL There’s no need to be so vehement about it; it wouldn’t have mattered if you had been. EVELYN Have some more champagne. CAROL Thanks—just a little. [_She holds out her glass and he fills it, also his own._] EVELYN [_With great boldness_] Why did you think we were talking about you? CAROL You both looked so guilty. EVELYN Surely that proves we weren’t. CAROL Very good, Evie. EVELYN You’re embarrassing me dreadfully. CAROL Am I? Why? EVELYN Because we _were_ discussing you. CAROL Ah! EVELYN I see it’s useless to try and deceive you for moment. CAROL What were you saying? EVELYN Must I tell you? CAROL Certainly. EVELYN You’re terribly unrelenting. CAROL Come on—out with it. EVELYN I was lecturing Edward. [_BLACKWELL goes out._] CAROL Lecturing him? EVELYN Yes. I said he was paying too much attention to his work and not enough to you. CAROL And do you think that’s true? EVELYN Yes. CAROL It isn’t; it’s the other way round, really. I neglect Edward. You should have saved your lecture for me. EVELYN I’m sure it’s his fault, really, he’s so damned lackadaisical. CAROL It was nice of you, but a little interfering. EVELYN I’m sorry. I suppose I deserve to be snubbed. CAROL I’m not snubbing you, exactly, but I’m puzzled. EVELYN Why puzzled? CAROL It seems so strange that you should have taken up the cudgels on my side. EVELYN That was how I saw the situation. CAROL I never realized there was a situation. EVELYN There isn’t, but there may be soon. CAROL How horrid of you! EVELYN I know Edward pretty well, you know. CAROL And me hardly at all. EVELYN Exactly. That’s why I went to him, as I told you this afternoon. I always felt that you disliked me and thought me dull. CAROL How absurd! EVELYN You did, all the same. You’d have crushed me to the earth if I’d dared mention the subject to you. CAROL You must have thought me a prig. EVELYN Not in the least. I quite saw your point. CAROL And now—? EVELYN Now I’m muddled. CAROL Have I muddled you, Evie? EVELYN Yes, terribly. CAROL I’m so glad. EVELYN That’s malicious of you. CAROL Go ahead with your lecture. EVELYN Certainly not. CAROL Whose fault do you consider this slight drifting apart—Edward’s or mine? EVELYN Edward’s. CAROL I told you it was mine. EVELYN I don’t believe you. CAROL Stubborn. EVELYN Is it yours? CAROL Yes. EVELYN Why? CAROL [_Seriously_] Oh, Evie— EVELYN Tell me. CAROL It’s rather difficult. EVELYN I’m awfully sympathetic. CAROL I believe you are. EVELYN You love him still, don’t you? CAROL Yes—in a way. EVELYN But not so much as you did? CAROL Not quite so much. EVELYN I suppose that’s inevitable in married life, always. CAROL I expect it is. EVELYN It’s sad, though. CAROL Not if one isn’t sentimental about it. EVELYN Are you ever sentimental about anything? CAROL [_Wistfully_] Do I seem so hard? EVELYN A little, I think. CAROL I’m not, really. EVELYN I’m afraid Edward’s unhappy. CAROL Not deep down inside. EVELYN Are you sure? CAROL He may think he is. EVELYN Poor Edward. CAROL He doesn’t love me quite so much, either, you know. EVELYN Perhaps he wants to, but you won’t let him. CAROL Evie, why are we talking like this? EVELYN I don’t know. CAROL I can’t bear to pretend about things. EVELYN You’re quite right; it doesn’t pay in the long run. CAROL But I don’t want you to blame Edward and lecture him for something that’s not entirely his fault. EVELYN I see. CAROL I’m awfully fond of him and I always shall be, but— EVELYN But what? CAROL Don’t let’s say any more about it. EVELYN All right. You’re rather a dear, you know. CAROL Am I? EVELYN More than I ever suspected! CAROL Oh, Evie! [_They look at each other for a moment, EVELYN intently, CAROL with a faintly wistful smile. BLACKWELL enters to collect the plates and serve the sweet—pêche Melba—which he does during ensuing dialogue._] EVELYN You don’t like Zoe St. Merryn, do you? CAROL Why do you suddenly ask that? EVELYN I felt you didn’t this afternoon. CAROL She’s rather obvious, I think. EVELYN In what way? CAROL She tries to be clever. EVELYN I always thought she was clever. CAROL Yes, most men do, but very few women. EVELYN Why is that? CAROL Because they see through her. All that divorce business was a put-up job. EVELYN I say, Carol! CAROL Don’t look so shocked. Of course it was. She’s been so brave and defiant over it. Men love that. EVELYN Aren’t you being a little hard on her? CAROL No, not really. I know her type so well. EVELYN She’s an old friend of Edward’s, isn’t she? CAROL Yes, but that hasn’t anything to do with it. She tried to marry him once. EVELYN He seems very fond of her. CAROL She flatters him terribly. He’s an awful baby. EVELYN Thank Heaven I haven’t got your feminine intuition. It must complicate life dreadfully. CAROL It’s very useful sometimes. EVELYN Do you size everyone up so mercilessly. CAROL [_Laughing_] Perhaps. EVELYN I’m trembling visibly. CAROL Nonsense! You’re not frightened by anything, really. EVELYN You don’t know! [_BLACKWELL goes out._] CAROL Well, you shouldn’t be, anyhow. EVELYN That’s different. CAROL Why did you ask me not to tell Edward I was dining with you? EVELYN [_Nonplused_] Did I? CAROL You know you did. EVELYN Perhaps I was afraid he’d think I was interfering again. CAROL Did he tell you that, too? EVELYN Yes. CAROL [_Smiling_] Never mind. EVELYN I don’t. I’m used to Edward. CAROL So am I. EVELYN But when you tell me I’m interfering, I feel beastly. CAROL You are, you know. EVELYN There! You’ve done it again. CAROL People like Edward and me should be left to manage our own troubles. EVELYN All right. From now on I won’t say a word. CAROL Cheer up. EVELYN I’m a blundering fool, anyhow. CAROL [_Laughing_] Yes. EVELYN And instead of making you like me, I’ve made you laugh at me. CAROL That’s not quite true. EVELYN I’m afraid it is. CAROL You don’t know a bit what I’m really like. EVELYN No. CAROL Do you want to? EVELYN Yes. CAROL I’m not sure that it’s wise. EVELYN Why not? CAROL You might be shocked. EVELYN As bad as that? CAROL Yes—as bad as that. EVELYN I don’t believe it. CAROL Good. EVELYN You’re too sensitive to behave really badly. CAROL That’s nonsense. EVELYN No, it isn’t. CAROL Sensitiveness hasn’t anything to do with it. EVELYN Yes, it has. CAROL Don’t contradict me. EVELYN [_With truculence_] Why shouldn’t I? CAROL Because it infuriates me. EVELYN [_Slowly_] We’re almost quarreling. CAROL Yes. EVELYN I’m sorry. CAROL Antagonism is a bad sign. EVELYN What do you mean? CAROL [_Suddenly burying her face in her hands_] Oh, Evie! EVELYN [_Alarmed_] What on earth’s the matter? CAROL [_Muffled_] Nothing. EVELYN Carol, don’t—please— [_He gets up and comes to her._] CAROL No, no. Sit down. Your man will be in in a moment. EVELYN Do tell me what’s wrong. CAROL Sit down, please. EVELYN All right. [_He sits down._] CAROL Give me my bag, will you? It’s over there. I want to powder my nose. [_EVELYN rises. When his back is toward her, an expression of extreme satisfaction flits across CAROL’S face. By the time he has turned she is once again bravely melancholy._] EVELYN Here. [_He gives her her bag._] CAROL Thank you. [_She looks up at him with a weary smile. BLACKWELL enters and takes away the remains of the sweet._] EVELYN Serve the coffee at once, Blackwell; then I shan’t want you any more. BLACKWELL Very good, sir. [_He goes out._] CAROL I feel better now. EVELYN I don’t suppose you’ll ever want to dine with me again. CAROL Don’t be silly. Of course I shall. EVELYN I seem to have depressed you terribly. CAROL No—it’s not your fault, really. EVELYN I wish I understood you a bit better. CAROL I’m glad you don’t. [_BLACKWELL enters with coffee and liqueurs, which he places beside EVELYN._] EVELYN Thank you, Blackwell. Good night. BLACKWELL Good night, sir. [_He goes out._] EVELYN Coffee? CAROL Yes, please. EVELYN [_Pouring it out_] Sugar? CAROL One. EVELYN [_Handing it to her_] There. Cointreau or brandy? CAROL Cointreau—just a little. EVELYN The brandy’s very good. CAROL All right. Brandy, then—you’re so dominant. EVELYN Don’t laugh at me any more. CAROL I must a little. EVELYN Here you are. [_He gives her some brandy and takes some himself._] CAROL Next time I come I’ll try to be more amusing. EVELYN I don’t want you to be amusing if you don’t feel like it. CAROL You’re awfully kind and gentle. EVELYN I want you to relax completely. CAROL I am relaxing completely. EVELYN I feel you need it. CAROL No one else has ever taken the trouble to feel that. EVELYN They’re all too occupied in enjoying themselves. CAROL But I don’t think they do, really. EVELYN That’s true, but they wouldn’t dare admit it. CAROL Put the gramophone on. EVELYN Now? CAROL Yes, please, or I shall cry again. EVELYN [_Rising_] What shall we have? CAROL Something blaring and noisy. EVELYN What a baby you are! CAROL Am I? [_He puts on a foxtrot and stands by the machine looking at her. After a pause she speaks._] I love this tune. EVELYN It’s not very new, I’m afraid. I must get some more of the latest ones. CAROL Are you ready for your lesson? EVELYN Lesson? CAROL Yes, your dancing lesson. EVELYN If you are. CAROL Of course I am! Come on. [_She rises._] EVELYN I’ll push the table back. [_He does so._] There. CAROL Now then. [_They begin to dance._] EVELYN Is the time all right? CAROL A scrap too fast. EVELYN Wait a minute. [_He stops for a second and regulates the time._] CAROL That’s better. [_They dance again._] EVELYN I’m so sorry. Did I kick you? CAROL No. EVELYN I warned you, didn’t I? CAROL Hold me a little tighter. EVELYN All right. [_They dance in silence for a moment._] CAROL This is divine. EVELYN You’re not teaching me a thing. CAROL You don’t need it. EVELYN You’re just being polite. I dance like an elephant. CAROL Don’t be ridiculous. It would be terribly funny if anyone suddenly came in and found us. EVELYN There’s not the least chance of it. [_They dance in silence for a little._] CAROL Oh! EVELYN What is it? CAROL We nearly crashed into that chair. EVELYN I’m afraid I wasn’t concentrating. CAROL That’s very naughty of you. You must. EVELYN All right. [_The record comes to an end._] CAROL Put on another. EVELYN Very well. [_While he does so, CAROL looks at herself carefully in the glass over the mantelpiece._] CAROL I’m enjoying myself frightfully. EVELYN Are you, really? CAROL Aren’t you? EVELYN You know I am. [_He takes her in his arms again._] CAROL You really must hold me a little tighter—it’s so much easier to follow. EVELYN Like that? CAROL Yes—like that. [_They stand still, she surrendering herself to him, and holds up her face deliberately to be kissed._] EVELYN [_Softly_] Carol! [_He kisses her. They stand tightly clasped for a moment; then he firmly disentangles himself and turns off the gramophone._] CAROL [_Sinking onto the sofa and passing her hand across her eyes_] Oh, Evie! EVELYN [_In a different tone_] I thought so. CAROL [_Looking up quickly_] What do you mean? EVELYN It’s unbelievable. [_He strides about a little._] CAROL [_Alarmed_] What on earth are you talking about? EVELYN I was right. I knew it. CAROL [_Becoming exasperated_] Knew what? EVELYN I’m not quite such easy game as all that. CAROL [_Rising_] Evie! EVELYN What a little rotter you are. CAROL [_Outraged_] What!! EVELYN Yes, you may well look surprised. I, unfortunately, am _not_ surprised. CAROL [_After a pause_] I’m beginning to understand. EVELYN I’m glad. CAROL Very clever. I must congratulate Edward. EVELYN It’s nothing to do with Edward. CAROL Liar! [_She goes and takes up her cloak._] EVELYN You’re not going yet. CAROL On the contrary, I’m going immediately. EVELYN Not until I choose. CAROL Don’t speak to me like that. EVELYN I’m going to speak to you as you’ve never been spoken to before. CAROL Pompous ass! [_She flings her cloak over her arm and goes toward the door. EVELYN stands between her and the door._] EVELYN You’re going to stay here. CAROL [_Contemptuously_] Don’t be so ridiculous. EVELYN I mean it. CAROL Are you quite mad? EVELYN No, not at all; I’m unflatteringly sane. CAROL Do you intend to use force to keep me here? EVELYN Yes, if necessary. CAROL Evie—what have you been reading? [_She flings down her cloak and returns to the sofa._] EVELYN That’s right. CAROL [_Helping herself to a cigarette_] I always thought you were a fool. EVELYN Thank you. I’m sorry I was less of a fool than you hoped. CAROL I didn’t hope for much, whatever happened. EVELYN You’d forgotten I was Edward’s best friend. CAROL You’re very, very sure of yourself. EVELYN I can afford to be. I live decently. CAROL Rubbish! EVELYN And I’ve got a little honor left. CAROL Even after living decently. EVELYN You would say a thing like that. CAROL I did. EVELYN I should like to say one thing— CAROL Please do. EVELYN If you and I were alone on a desert island I wouldn’t touch you. CAROL That would be very silly of you. EVELYN [_Rapidly losing his temper_] Haven’t you any modesty or shame anywhere? CAROL [_Smiling_] Oh dear! EVELYN Stop being flippant; it’s only a mask to cover your humiliation. CAROL How discerning you are! EVELYN I know you much better than you think I do. CAROL Idiot! EVELYN Flinging epithets at me won’t help. CAROL Fatuous prig. EVELYN Shut up. CAROL [_Rising_] May I go now please? EVELYN [_Almost shouting_] No. CAROL [_Sitting down_] Very well. EVELYN I’m Edward’s best friend. CAROL You’ve said that before. EVELYN And I’m damned if I’m going to stand by and see him cheapened and humiliated by you. CAROL You’re insufferable. EVELYN That’s beside the point. CAROL [_Suddenly furious_] It is _not_ beside the point! How dare you behave like this! If you were Edward’s Siamese twin you’ve no right to ask me here and insult me. You surely don’t imagine that by talking until you’re blue in the face you could ever alter my life one way or another. You’ve played a filthy second-rate trick on me and you think you did it for Edward’s sake, but all the time it was only to prove to yourself how clever you are. You’ve got to let me go now—at once. Do you hear? If not I’ll scream the place down. [_She rises and makes a dash for the door. He intercepts her. She struggles. He grasps her wrist._] Let me go. Help! Help! EVELYN Shut up, you little fool! [_He puts his hand over her mouth and drags her back to the sofa, upon which she collapses, sobbing._] CAROL [_Almost hysterical, in muffled tones_] How dare you! Oh, how dare you! It’s outrageous! It’s— EVELYN Do you want some brandy? CAROL Don’t speak to me. EVELYN [_With emphasis_] Do you want some brandy! CAROL No. EVELYN You’d better have some. Stay where you are. [_He goes over and pours out a glass of brandy and brings it to her._] Here—sit up. CAROL Go away. Don’t come near me. EVELYN You’re hysterical. Drink this and pull yourself together. [_He puts his arm round her to lift her up. She wriggles free of him, sits up quickly by herself, snatches the glass from his hand and flings it into the fireplace._] CAROL I don’t want your filthy brandy. EVELYN That was childish. CAROL Why are you doing this to me? Why? Why? What have I ever done to you? EVELYN You’re on the verge of ruining the life of one of the best men that ever lived. CAROL [_Tearfully_] How? EVELYN You know perfectly well how. CAROL It’s no business of yours—what I do—ever. EVELYN I’ve made it my business. What you attempted to-night with me you’ve accomplished with other men—you’ve flirted and encouraged them to make love to you, and in many cases you’ve given yourself to them— CAROL Evie! EVELYN I don’t want you to deny it or affirm it. I _know_ it’s true, but I don’t think Edward does; he loves you too much to believe it possible, and my object in playing on you this second-rate trick, as you call it, is to make you realize what a hideous mess you’re making both of his life and your own. [_During this speech CAROL is looking at EVIE intently. He begins to stride up and down while he talks._] Edward’s too sensitive and reserved to fight for his own rights. I’ve known for ages that he wasn’t happy—that something was weighing on his mind. To-day I asked him plump out and he admitted— [_He pauses._] CAROL What did he admit? EVELYN That he was worried and miserable about you. CAROL [_Calmly_] And what did you advise him to do? EVELYN Give you hell. CAROL How crude of you! EVELYN Women of your sort require a little crudity occasionally. CAROL What do you mean “women of my sort”? EVELYN Do you want me to tell you? CAROL No; I don’t want you to say any more at all. EVELYN You have the soul of a harlot! CAROL [_Suddenly bursting out laughing_] Oh, Evie! EVELYN [_Losing control_] Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. CAROL [_Continuing to laugh_] What do you expect me to do? You’re so ridiculous— EVELYN I suppose you consider anyone with decent ideals ridiculous? CAROL [_Laughing helplessly_] Oh dear! Oh dear! EVELYN [_Working himself up more and more_] You think it funny that I should make an attempt to defend the honor of my best friend, who is too shamed by your utter wantonness to defend himself— CAROL [_Growing hysterical_] You’re mad—quite, quite mad— EVELYN You’re deliberately ruining his reputation and wrecking his happiness because you never make the slightest effort to control your rotten passions— CAROL [_Rising, trying to control her hysteria_] How dare you say that—how dare you— EVELYN Dare! I’ll say it again and again. Rotten passions! All you live for, all you think of—women of your type can’t exist without men—men—nothing but men all the time— CAROL [_Frantically_] Stop! Stop! You shan’t say any more. [_She gives him a ringing slap on the face. He stands quite still._] Cad! cad! unutterable cad! [_She gives him another slap between each word. He remains motionless. They stand facing each other. CAROL puts her hand to her head._] I think—I think I’m going to be ill. [_She falls in a heap at his feet. He carries her back to the sofa. He deposits her there and rushes to get some more brandy. When his back is turned she lifts her head sharply and looks at him, then lets it drop attractively against the side of the sofa. He returns and ministers the brandy. After a slight pause she opens her eyes and sits up and finishes the brandy._] EVELYN Be careful. Don’t spill it on your dress. CAROL I’m awfully sorry to be so stupid. EVELYN I didn’t mean to make you ill. CAROL [_Meekly_] Please may I go home now? EVELYN You’d better wait a moment until you feel stronger. I won’t say any more—I promise. CAROL My head aches. EVELYN Would you like some aspirin? I think I’ve got some somewhere. CAROL No, thanks. EVELYN It wasn’t out of any personal spite, you know— CAROL It doesn’t matter—it— [_She bursts into tears._] EVELYN I say, don’t cry—please. CAROL I can’t help it. [_She cries a little more._] EVELYN Please! Please! CAROL Leave me alone. I’ll be all right in a minute. EVELYN I had no intention of losing my temper. I apologize. CAROL [_With a fresh burst of tears_] It’s all so—so horrible! EVELYN Carol—please, please don’t! CAROL [_Sobbing bitterly_] I’d no idea—anyone could think of me like that. EVELYN I was only trying to show you, for Edward’s sake— CAROL Don’t—don’t say any more. You promised. EVELYN All right, but you see I— CAROL I understand why you did it. It’s not that I’m crying for. It’s—it’s— O God! EVELYN [_Appealingly_] Carol— CAROL I’m crying because I’m so bitterly ashamed— EVELYN [_Gently_] Carol— CAROL I don’t want you to despise me utterly— EVELYN It’s all right. Don’t think any more about it. CAROL The things you’ve said to me are right—I have been shallow and cheap; but there’s a reason that you don’t know. EVELYN Reason? CAROL You’ve heard Edward’s side of the story and you’ve mixed yourself up in our lives—more than ever now. It’s only fair for you to hear my side, too— EVELYN Now look here, Carol. Don’t let’s say any more about it at all. CAROL Do you mean that? EVELYN Yes. CAROL [_Rising_] Very well—I suppose I deserve it. Good night. [_She walks sadly toward the door._] EVELYN Carol— CAROL [_Turning_] Yes? EVELYN I’ll hear your side if you want me to, but what’s the use of going on any further? CAROL Only that unless I explain now I can never look you in the face again. EVELYN Carol, don’t be so absurd. CAROL There are circumstances that justify me more than you realize. EVELYN Come back, then, and sit down. CAROL [_Wearily returning_] I feel so horribly tired. [_She comes back to the sofa and leans against it, looking at him. Her face is pale and she looks extremely sad and quite lovely._] EVELYN Do sit down. CAROL No, but I want you to. Sit here where you needn’t look at me. EVELYN Very well. [_He sits down on the sofa and stares into the fire. CAROL stands just behind him with her hands resting on his shoulders. Both their faces are half turned to the audience. She speaks very slowly._] CAROL You’ve been pretty brutal to me to-night and some of the hard things you said I deserve, but not all of them. I’m selfish and occasionally cheap and rather vain—and I have been unfaithful to my husband, but not before he had been unfaithful to me— EVELYN [_Starting_] What! CAROL [_Pressing him down_] Keep still, please. I’m telling you the truth— EVELYN You mean that Edward— CAROL I mean exactly what I say. I was completely faithful to Edward until eighteen months ago, when I discovered that he was having an affair with Zoe St. Merryn— EVELYN Good God! [_He moves again, but the holds him firmly._] CAROL That broke me up, rather. EVELYN I don’t believe it. CAROL I can’t help that; it’s true, all the same. EVELYN How did you discover it? What proof have you? CAROL I suspected for a little while and said nothing until I could bear it no longer; then I asked Edward and he admitted it— EVELYN [_Twisting round_] I _must_ look at you. CAROL [_Firmly, looking into his eyes_] He admitted it. EVELYN It’s incredible. CAROL Why? Edward’s awfully weak, and Zoe—[_She laughs sadly._] Will you turn around again now, please. [_EVELYN does so and buries his face in his hands._] Don’t be upset about it, Evie—it’s between Edward and me, really, and nobody knew—until now. I made him swear never to tell a soul, otherwise he’d have told you ages ago—he always tells you everything. I’ve behaved rather badly since then, I know, but something went dead, inside me and—well, it doesn’t seem to matter much, does it? EVELYN [_After a pause_] May I get up now and get a drink? CAROL There’s nothing more to say, anyhow. [_EVELYN goes over and pours himself out a drink. He turns suddenly._] EVELYN You wouldn’t lie to me, would you? CAROL [_With dignity_] Even I have a little decency left. [_She turns to go again._] EVELYN Carol! CAROL [_Turning_] Yes. EVELYN What can I say to you? CAROL Nothing. EVELYN I’m desperately sorry. CAROL All right. EVELYN I’ve been an abject, blundering fool. It wasn’t my business, anyhow. CAROL [_With a wan smile_] Your motives were sound. EVELYN Can you forgive me? CAROL Yes, of course. EVELYN I mean really forgive me? CAROL [_Holding out her hand._] Completely. EVELYN You’re very generous. [_He takes it._] CAROL There’s one more thing I want to clear up. EVELYN What? CAROL I came here to-night for one reason only. EVELYN Yes? CAROL I love you! EVELYN [_Dropping her hand_] Carol! CAROL It’s all right—don’t be afraid. I’m going now—but I didn’t want you to think me too cheap—that’s all. EVELYN I’m utterly bewildered. CAROL It hasn’t been very easy for either of us, has it? EVELYN You can’t mean what you say. CAROL You know I do—you’ve known it all along, subconsciously. EVELYN Carol—I’m dreadfully—horribly embarrassed. CAROL Poor old Evie. EVELYN I don’t know what to do. CAROL We’ll both laugh over to-night one day, won’t we? EVELYN Will we? CAROL [_With beautifully forced gayety_] Yes—you see. EVELYN You are an extraordinary woman. CAROL Just rather silly, I’m afraid. Good night. EVELYN I’m going to see you home. CAROL No, please. I’d rather go alone. Please, I mean it, honestly. EVELYN But— CAROL It’s only just round the corner. EVELYN I can’t let you go alone. CAROL [_With gentle firmness_] You must—please. EVELYN [_Looking down_] All right. CAROL We’re friends, aren’t we? EVELYN [_Still looking down_] Yes. CAROL In spite of everything? EVELYN Yes. CAROL Because of everything? EVELYN Oh, Carol! CAROL Good night, my dear. [_She comes to him and kisses him gently on the mouth. Suddenly he crushes her to him. After a moment she disentangles herself._] No, no! I didn’t mean it, really. I’m not going to be cheap any more. Stand quite still where you are, not looking. I don’t want you to move until I’ve gone. [_She goes out quietly, leaving him standing stock-still. After a moment the front door slams. EVELYN turns in the direction of the sound._] EVELYN [_Emotionally_] Carol—O God! [_He goes over to the sofa and flings himself down on it, with his face buried in his hands. CAROL comes softly in again. Her cloak is over her arm. She gives one look in his direction and then goes noiselessly into his bedroom, closing the door after her._] CURTAIN “THIS WAS A MAN” Act Three ACT III _The scene is the same as Act I. It is about twelve o’clock in the morning. One night has elapsed since Act II._ [_When the curtain rises the studio is empty. There is the sound of the front-door bell ringing with some violence. BERRY enters, R., and crosses over L. He exits and reappears in a moment, ushering in EVELYN. EVELYN is looking extremely white and strained._] BERRY Can I offer you anything to drink, sir? EVELYN No, thanks. BERRY The master’s sure to be in soon, sir. EVELYN All right, thanks. BERRY He’s only taking a walk in the Park. EVELYN I think I will have a drink, after all. BERRY Very good, sir. Whisky and soda? EVELYN Yes, please. [_BERRY goes out. EVELYN proceeds to pace up and down the room a little. BERRY returns with a whisky and soda._] EVELYN Oh, thanks. [_He takes it._] BERRY Would you like the papers, sir, or have you seen them already? EVELYN I’ve seen them, thanks. BERRY Shall I tell Mrs. Churt that you are here, sir? EVELYN No—no. Please don’t disturb her. BERRY Very good, sir. [_He goes out again. EVELYN once more proceeds to pace up and down with the whisky and soda in his hand. He is obviously extremely agitated. After a moment CAROL enters from R. She looks fresh and charming. She gives a slight start on seeing EVELYN._] CAROL Evie! EVELYN [_Jumping—he turns_] I’ve come to see Edward. CAROL What’s the matter? EVELYN I’ve come to see Edward. CAROL [_With faint apprehension_] I know—you just said so. Aren’t you going to say good morning? EVELYN Good morning. CAROL [_Going over to him_] No more than that? EVELYN No—no more. [_He turns away._] CAROL [_Biting her lip_] I see. EVELYN I want to see him alone. CAROL [_Putting her hand on his arm_] Evie, what’s wrong? EVELYN You can seriously ask me that? CAROL Why are you behaving like this? EVELYN [_Turning away_] You’re hopeless. CAROL You’re not going to do anything foolish, are you? EVELYN I’m going to do the only thing possible. CAROL [_Swinging him round_] Evie! EVELYN Leave me alone. CAROL But listen— EVELYN [_Wrenching himself free from her_] Don’t touch me, please. CAROL [_Pleading_] Evie—please—why are you being so horrid? EVELYN I don’t want to look at you—or see you again ever! CAROL Why—why—what have I done? EVELYN [_Sinking into a chair with his face in his hands_] Leave me alone. Leave me alone. CAROL You don’t love me at all, then? EVELYN For God’s sake stop! CAROL You don’t—you don’t— EVELYN Shut up! Shut up! CAROL You coward! [_She goes over to the window._] EVELYN Please go away. You’ll only make everything much worse. CAROL Why have you come here this morning? EVELYN To tell Edward about last night. CAROL What will you tell him? EVELYN The truth. CAROL You’re insane. EVELYN I was—but I’m not any more. CAROL [_Coming quickly back to him_] You can’t mean this. EVELYN I do mean it. CAROL But why! Why!! Why!!! EVELYN I don’t expect you to understand. CAROL Evie, listen. Be sensible for a moment. EVELYN It’s no use going on like that. I’ve made up my mind. CAROL Evie— EVELYN [_Rising_] Go away! Go away! CAROL [_Following him_] I love you. EVELYN Be quiet. CAROL I love you—I love you. Tell what you like—shout it from the housetops. I love you! EVELYN [_Catching hold of her_] Shut up—you must. Some one will hear. CAROL I don’t care. EVELYN You don’t love me—you never did for a moment—it was all a trick. CAROL [_Outraged_] Evie! EVELYN I can see it all now—I can see it all. CAROL You’re talking nonsense. EVELYN For God’s sake go away from me. CAROL [_Helplessly_] I don’t know what to do. EVELYN Leave me alone. I’ve got to tell Edward the truth. CAROL In Heaven’s name, why? EVELYN Can’t you see why? CAROL No. What good will it do? EVELYN I’ve betrayed him. CAROL That’s no reason for you to betray me as well. EVELYN He trusted me—completely. CAROL Well, why not let him go on trusting you? EVELYN Because I’m unworthy of it forever. CAROL And what about me? EVELYN It was your fault. CAROL How chivalrous. EVELYN You lied to me. CAROL [_Firmly_] I did _not_ lie to you. EVELYN You said you came last night because you loved me. CAROL So I did! EVELYN You came out of curiosity and stayed out of revenge. CAROL What a fool you are! EVELYN You determined to get even with me. CAROL Evie! EVELYN It’s true—it’s true—you know it is. CAROL Why have you built up this ridiculous story in your mind? EVELYN It’s true. CAROL [_With great firmness_] It’s nothing of the sort, and if you calm yourself and think seriously for a moment, you’ll realize the complete absurdity of it. You must be sensible. Do you hear—you _must_ be sensible. You’re on the verge of wrecking everything out of sheer hysteria. EVELYN Everything is wrecked already. I’ve got nothing left—no honor, no decency— CAROL [_Quietly_] I gave myself to you last night, Evie— EVELYN Don’t—don’t— CAROL I gave myself to you completely and for one reason only—I loved you. I love you now. EVELYN Carol, please— CAROL If you tell Edward—I shall go away and never see either of you again. EVELYN I can’t help it. I— CAROL You _can_ help it. What you’re contemplating is utterly without reason. If you’re trying to vindicate your honor, you can’t seriously achieve it by betraying mine. We’ve both behaved abominably, I admit. We’ve both been weak and uncontrolled and given way completely and we shall suffer for it accordingly, you needn’t doubt that for a minute. We’re in a terrible mess, but we’re in it together and together we must remain— EVELYN I shall never be able to look Edward in the face again. CAROL Will you be able to face him any better after you’ve told him? EVELYN Yes. CAROL Why? EVELYN Because I shall have done the only decent thing left to me. CAROL You’ll only succeed in making him suffer as well as yourself and me. Can’t you see the uselessness of it? EVELYN I can’t see him and talk to him with this shame between us. CAROL You must—so must I. It’s the just penalty for what we’ve done. You said just now you never wanted to see me again. Well, I promise you you never shall—alone. You at least can go away. I can’t—I’ve got to stay and get through the next few months as best I can— [_There comes a ring at the front-door bell._] EVELYN [_Pacing the room_] O God! what am I to do? CAROL [_Quickly_] Nothing—nothing yet, anyhow. Think sensibly and quietly—everything depends on your keeping calm— [_BERRY enters and crosses over L. and exits._] EVELYN Is that Edward? CAROL Yes, I expect so. He’s always forgetting his key. EVELYN [_Terribly undecided_] Carol, I— CAROL Promise you’ll do nothing yet. EVELYN I can’t—I— CAROL [_Whispering violently_] Promise me—wait a little—promise me. Will you promise me? EVELYN [_Helplessly_] Yes. [_BERRY re-enters._] BERRY [_Announcing_] Mrs. St. Merryn. [_ZOE enters briskly._] ZOE Good morning, Carol. I haven’t seen you for months. How are you? CAROL [_As they kiss_] Splendid. I heard you were back. ZOE Hallo, Evie! EVELYN [_Coldly_] Good morning. ZOE I gather that Edward is expected? CAROL Yes, he’ll be back at any minute. EVELYN Good-by. [_He goes out abruptly._] ZOE [_Surprised_] That was one of the most sudden exits I’ve ever seen. CAROL [_Carelessly_] I think Evie’s upset about something. ZOE I didn’t think he was capable of it. CAROL [_Conventionally_] Are you glad to be back? ZOE Delighted. London’s looking so pretty with all the roads up. CAROL [_Absently_] Are they? I hadn’t noticed. ZOE I don’t see how you could fail to unless you travel exclusively in the underground. CAROL Where are you staying? ZOE Claridge’s. CAROL Oh! ZOE It’s so beautifully austere. CAROL What? ZOE [_Patiently_] I said it was so beautifully austere. CAROL Oh yes, it is. ZOE You’re looking awfully well. CAROL I am, frightfully well. ZOE Don’t you think I’m looking frightfully well? CAROL Yes, you certainly are. Traveling obviously agrees with you. ZOE It’s so comforting to know that we both look so awfully well. Can I have a cigarette? CAROL Yes, of course. I’m so sorry. Here— [_She hands her a box open._] ZOE Thank you, dear. There aren’t any in this box, but it doesn’t matter. CAROL How annoying! Wait a minute. [_She takes another box off a table, left._] Here— ZOE [_Taking one_] You seem a little distrait this morning, if I may say so. CAROL I’ve got rather a headache. ZOE I’m so sorry. You don’t look very well. CAROL I think, if you’ll forgive me, I’ll go and take some aspirin. ZOE Of course. I should lie down until lunch if I were you. CAROL Perhaps I will. Edward’s certain to be in soon. ZOE I’ll be perfectly happy waiting. CAROL You must come and dine one night. ZOE I’d adore to. CAROL Good-by for the present, dear. [_She kisses her._] ZOE Good-by. I’m sorry you’re so seedy. I’m afraid you’ve been overdoing it lately. CAROL [_Irritatedly_] Overdoing what? ZOE [_Vaguely_] Oh, everything. CAROL No, I haven’t. ZOE I’m so glad. [_CAROL goes out. ZOE wanders round the room, smiling to herself, examining various portraits, etc. After a moment EDWARD enters._] EDWARD Zoe! How long have you been here? ZOE Only a few minutes. EDWARD I’ve been out in the Park. ZOE I didn’t know it was still there. EDWARD I’m afraid you’re finding the old town sadly changed. ZOE I’m sure it’s much more hygienic now. EDWARD Have you seen Carol? ZOE Yes. She’s just gone to bed. EDWARD Gone to bed? ZOE She said she had a headache. EDWARD How do you think she’s looking? ZOE [_Laughing_] Awfully well. EDWARD What are you laughing at? ZOE Carol always makes me laugh. EDWARD Why? ZOE She’s so consistent. EDWARD Are you lunching with me? ZOE If you like. I’ve got to go to Sloane Street first and look at Mary Phillip’s house. She wants to let it to me. EDWARD Pick me up here on the way back. ZOE I really came to ask you to dine to-night and go to a play. EDWARD I’d love to. What do you want to see? ZOE A nice clean play, please, Edward. EDWARD Splendid. We shan’t have any trouble getting seats. ZOE I’m so old-fashioned—I like love stories without the slightest suggestion of sex. EDWARD You ought to be a critic. ZOE You’re an awfully nice person to come back to! EDWARD [_Smiling_] Am I? ZOE Yes. One picks up the threads exactly where they were dropped. EDWARD They were never dropped. ZOE Carol’s an awful fool. EDWARD Why? ZOE She could hold you if she wanted to. EDWARD Don’t be tiresome, Zoe. ZOE What are you going to do about it? EDWARD About what? ZOE Do you really want me to be explicit? EDWARD No. I know perfectly well what you mean. ZOE You’re wasting time. EDWARD Not at all. I’m working hard. ZOE You said that yesterday and it was no more convincing then than it is now. EDWARD It’s true. ZOE Perhaps, but rather beside the point. EDWARD What is the point? ZOE Your happiness. EDWARD What beautiful thoughts you have, Zoe. ZOE Don’t be flippant. EDWARD Flippancy alleviates my boredom with the whole subject. ZOE Are you sure you’re not confusing boredom with lack of moral courage? EDWARD Possibly. ZOE Well, don’t. EDWARD I refuse to be dominated, Zoe—even by you! ZOE [_Smiling_] That’s right, dear. EDWARD And don’t laugh at me. ZOE I always have. I fail to see why I should stop now. EDWARD I resent it bitterly. ZOE Dear Edward. EDWARD What do you expect me to do? ZOE Deliver an ultimatum. EDWARD That would be stepping out of my character. ZOE Nonsense! EDWARD I am essentially a weak-minded man. ZOE Nothing of the sort—you’re a lazy idealist. EDWARD That sounds delightful. ZOE So it is in theory; in practice it’s sterility personified. EDWARD You’re terribly didactic. ZOE I’m trying to rouse you. EDWARD Why? ZOE Because you’re discontented and unhappy. EDWARD I never said so. ZOE You don’t need to—it’s written all over you. EDWARD You think I’d be happier if I bashed about making scenes and delivering ultimatums? ZOE Certainly—you at least might achieve something. EDWARD What, for instance? ZOE Freedom! EDWARD That’s a myth. ZOE Oh no, it isn’t. EDWARD In this case it’s impossible. ZOE Why? EDWARD [_Turning away_] Oh, don’t let’s discuss it any more. ZOE You _are_ annoying, Edward. EDWARD Evie went on like that for hours yesterday. ZOE Evie? EDWARD Yes. He seemed to advocate violence as being the best method. ZOE He would. EDWARD He even offered to teach Carol a lesson. ZOE What sort of lesson? EDWARD He didn’t explain. ZOE Poor Evie. EDWARD You needn’t despise him so utterly. He’s a good sort. ZOE He’s the quintessence of masculine complacency. EDWARD I’m sure it’s a great comfort to him. I wish I was. ZOE Evie will get into trouble one of these days. He’s too worldly. EDWARD If I were free, Zoe, would you marry me? ZOE Edward! EDWARD I suddenly thought of it. ZOE [_Laughing_] This is terribly sudden. EDWARD Don’t be silly. ZOE You must give me time to think. EDWARD Do shut up and be serious. ZOE I have a vague feeling that your proposal is a little previous. EDWARD It wasn’t a proposal—just an idea. ZOE Not exactly an original one. We discussed it all ages ago. EDWARD And whose fault was it that it never came off? ZOE [_Promptly_] Yours. EDWARD Zoe, how can you? It was entirely yours. ZOE Nonsense! I was dead set on it. EDWARD You refused me and rushed off to Africa. ZOE You can’t call Algiers Africa. EDWARD It is, all the same. ZOE If you’d loved me enough, you’d have followed me. EDWARD I was waiting for you to come back. ZOE Let’s stop talking about it—it’s rather painful. EDWARD We weren’t in love, really, anyhow. ZOE Weren’t we? EDWARD I don’t know. ZOE It’s all very difficult. EDWARD Yes. ZOE I think I shall go away again soon. EDWARD Oh, Zoe, please don’t! ZOE It’s going to be awkward if I stay. EDWARD No, it isn’t. ZOE We’re both on rather dangerous ground. EDWARD I don’t see why. ZOE Yes, you do, perfectly. EDWARD I do not. ZOE If I stay, we shall probably fall in love properly—we’re both at a perilous age. EDWARD What if we do? ZOE It would be too horrible, with all this Carol business going on and everything. EDWARD You’re crossing your bridges before you come to them. ZOE I shall go, all the same. EDWARD That is rank cowardice. ZOE No, it isn’t; it’s sound sense. EDWARD It will be beastly for me. ZOE Not so beastly as if I stayed, really—in the long run. EDWARD What could happen? ZOE Oh, the usual thing, I suppose—we should have an affair and spoil everything. EDWARD I don’t see why. ZOE You’re being very obstinate this morning. EDWARD If I were in love with you at all, it would be in a very nice, restrained way. ZOE We should both tire of that very quickly. EDWARD Zoe, how can you be so unpleasant? ZOE I’m only facing facts. EDWARD We’ve been together a good deal in the past. ZOE I know. EDWARD And everything was above reproach. ZOE Entirely. EDWARD Well, why can’t we go on like that? ZOE Because even if we do, people will say we don’t. EDWARD What does that matter? ZOE It matters a lot. I’ve had enough squalor in the past few years to last me for life. EDWARD Yes, but I don’t see— ZOE Also I have a strange aversion to coming between man and wife. EDWARD Oh, shut up, Zoe. ZOE It’s true. I suffer from a pre-war conscience. EDWARD There’s no question of that, really. ZOE Don’t be silly. Of course there is. EDWARD Carol wouldn’t care. ZOE What difference does that make? Really, Edward, you’re being horribly flaccid over the whole thing! EDWARD Don’t let’s argue about it. ZOE All right. EDWARD But please don’t go away again—just yet. ZOE I’ll think it over, Edward. EDWARD You’ve depressed me terribly. ZOE I’m sorry. EDWARD It’s all such a hopeless muddle. ZOE It needn’t be. EDWARD I’d no idea you were so designing. ZOE What a horrid thing to say! EDWARD It’s true though, isn’t it? ZOE Absolutely. EDWARD Oh, Zoe— ZOE I must go. EDWARD Remember lunch. ZOE I’ll pick you up here. EDWARD No, don’t—I’ll meet you. ZOE Where? EDWARD Berkeley—one o’clock. ZOE I’m sure to be late. EDWARD So am I. ZOE Good-by, dear. [_She goes up to him and kisses him lightly._] EDWARD Zoe! ZOE That was part of the design! [_She goes out. EDWARD walks up and down irritably for a moment, then lights a cigarette and flings himself into an armchair. The telephone rings. He gives an exclamation of annoyance and rises to answer it._] EDWARD [_At telephone_] Hallo!... Yes—yes.... Who is it speaking?... No, I’m afraid you can’t. She isn’t very well— [_CAROL enters in time to catch the last sentence._] CAROL Who is it? EDWARD Oh.... Hold on, please.... Harry Challoner. [_He hands her the telephone curtly and goes over to the window._] CAROL [_At telephone_] Hallo!... Yes, it’s me.... No—no, I can’t. I’m sorry.... All right, if you like.... I’ll be in between six and seven.... Yes.... Good-by. [_She hangs up the receiver and looks toward EDWARD who has his back turned. She is about to go out again, when he turns._] EDWARD Carol. CAROL Yes? EDWARD I want to talk to you. CAROL Is anything the matter? EDWARD Yes. Sit down, will you? CAROL [_Sitting_] If you like. EDWARD I want to get things settled. CAROL Get things settled? EDWARD Yes. CAROL What sort of things? EDWARD Our exact relationship. CAROL What _do_ you mean? EDWARD Just that. CAROL I don’t understand. EDWARD I think you do. CAROL [_By now extremely apprehensive_] I don’t Edward, honestly. EDWARD Do you intend to pursue your present course indefinitely? CAROL What are you talking about? EDWARD Infidelity. CAROL Are you insinuating that I— EDWARD I’m insinuating nothing. I’m stating that you have been unfaithful to me. CAROL [_Rising_] Edward! EDWARD [_Firmly_] Sit down. This is not a scene—it’s a process of readjustment. Please let us keep it as brief as possible. CAROL [_Sinking down_] How can you be so horrible! EDWARD Do you deny it? CAROL Of course I do. EDWARD Carol, let me disillusion you. I’m not bluffing. I _know_. I’ve known for ages. It’s no use wasting time denying and arguing. We must decide what’s to be done about it. CAROL How can you be so foul! EDWARD [_Wearily_] Oh, Carol, do stop acting. CAROL You’re insufferable. EDWARD Once and for all will you be sensible? CAROL I hate you. EDWARD That would be beautifully definite if you weren’t so unreliable. CAROL Do you want me to hate you? EDWARD To be honest with you, I really don’t mind. CAROL [_Outraged_] Edward! EDWARD Don’t be a fool, Carol. CAROL How dare you! How dare you! EDWARD We will face facts, please. CAROL [_Rising_] I’m not going to stay here and be insulted. EDWARD You’re not being insulted—it’s I who have been insulted. You’ve been publicly underrating my intelligence for months. CAROL That’s what’s upsetting you, is it? EDWARD Certainly it is. I wish you’d sit down. CAROL I’m going to my room. EDWARD You’re only temporarily evading the issues by doing that. CAROL What’s the object of all this? EDWARD The object, as I said before, is to get our relationship satisfactorily defined. CAROL [_With grandeur_] It’s satisfactorily defined now as far as I am concerned. EDWARD I would prefer the satisfaction to be mutual. CAROL You think you’re very clever, don’t you? EDWARD What a common remark! You’ll be sticking your tongue out at me in a minute. CAROL I suppose Zoe has been putting you up to this. EDWARD Meaning that I have no initiative of my own anyhow? CAROL Exactly. EDWARD That’s charming of you—and fits in beautifully with your behavior during the last year. CAROL Are you in love with me still? EDWARD Do you expect me to be? CAROL Are you? EDWARD No, Carol. CAROL I see. EDWARD All of which is beside the point. CAROL No, it isn’t. If you loved me you’d never say such things to me. EDWARD I admit that it would be more comfortable for you if I just suffered and suffered in silence. CAROL You’re too unemotional to be capable of any suffering. EDWARD Do you imagine you’re putting up a good defense for yourself? CAROL I’m not attempting to. EDWARD That brings us to my ultimatum. CAROL [_With a forced laugh_] Ultimatum! Really Edward! EDWARD You’ve been unfaithful to me three times during the past year—Maurice Verney, Geoffrey Poole, and now Harry Challoner! CAROL [_Blanching slightly_] Edward! EDWARD All three married men, which adds considerably to the general sordidness of the whole business. CAROL [_Losing control_] I will _not_ be spoken to like this! EDWARD [_With sudden force_] Be quiet! Do you still deny it? CAROL [_More dimly_] No. EDWARD That’s better. CAROL [_Sullenly_] I’m sorry. EDWARD That’s too sudden to be convincing. CAROL [_Breaking up slightly; after a long pause_] What are you going to do? EDWARD Wait until next time. CAROL Next time? EDWARD Yes. CAROL And what then? EDWARD I shall divorce you. CAROL Edward! EDWARD I mean it. Whether the man happens to be married or single will not make the slightest difference. CAROL [_Looking down_] I see. EDWARD Is that quite clear? CAROL Quite. EDWARD Incidentally, I wish you to give up Harry Challoner entirely. I object to you even being seen with such a second-rate bounder. CAROL [_Looking at him_] Very well. EDWARD We’ll both do our best to forget the whole thing. We can get along perfectly well together with a little effort. CAROL There’s no more, is there? EDWARD No, that’s all. [_CAROL goes slowly toward the door in silence. Her expression is very thoughtful. When she reaches the door she turns._] CAROL [_In a different voice_] Edward. EDWARD Yes? CAROL Please forgive me. EDWARD Forgiveness in this case is surely rather unimportant. CAROL Oh, please, please— [_She bursts into tears and goes toward him_] EDWARD Now then, Carol— CAROL [_Standing in front of him weeping_] You must forgive me—you must! EDWARD All right. CAROL I didn’t love any of them—I swear I didn’t. EDWARD [_Turning away irritably_] Oh, Carol— CAROL You’ve been utterly indifferent to me for ages. EDWARD Naturally. CAROL No, but before—I mean before—last year you stopped loving me. EDWARD Please don’t go on like this. CAROL It’s true—it’s true. I was lonely. EDWARD Don’t talk such utter nonsense. CAROL [_Working herself up_] It isn’t nonsense—it’s you I love really all the time. I hate Harry Challoner, really. I’ve been trying to break with him for ages. I made a vow weeks ago that I’d never be unfaithful to you again—honestly I did, I swear it. I’m sick of everybody. I wanted to ask you to take me away abroad somewhere, but I didn’t dare—you had so much work to do—and you were so cold and horrid. Edward—Edward—you’ve got to love me again—you must. I shall go mad if you don’t. Please—Edward darling. [_She flings herself into his arms._] EDWARD [_Gently disentangling himself_] There now—it’s all right. Do stop. [_He kisses her dutifully_] CAROL I feel so bitterly ashamed. EDWARD Stop crying. CAROL I swear I’ll be good. I swear I will. EDWARD That’s right. Now control yourself. CAROL I’ll never see Harry again. EDWARD Very well. For Heaven’s sake stop crying. CAROL I do love you really, you know. That’s what makes it so awful. EDWARD Pull yourself together. CAROL [_Dabbing her eyes_] I’ll try. EDWARD Go and lie down and take something. CAROL What shall I take? EDWARD Aspirin, I should think. CAROL I had some just now. EDWARD Have some more. CAROL All right. Oh, God! [_She goes out slowly, still half sobbing. EDWARD heaves a sigh of mingled relief and irritation, he again flings himself into an armchair. Then comes the sound of the front-door bell. He groans. BERRY enters from R._] EDWARD Whoever it is, Berry, I’m out. BERRY Very good, sir. [_He goes out L. After a moment he re-enters._] I’m very sorry, sir; it’s Major Bathurst. The porter downstairs told him you’d just come in; he’s called already this morning. EDWARD Nobody told me. You’d better show him in. BERRY Yes, sir. [_He goes out and returns, announcing_] Major Bathurst. [_EVELYN comes in. He looks more harassed than ever. BERRY goes out._] EDWARD Hallo, Evie! EVELYN [_Haltingly_] Edward—I—I’ve come to say good-by. EDWARD [_Surprised_] Good-by! EVELYN Yes. I came earlier this morning, but you were out. EDWARD But where on earth are you going? EVELYN Australia. EDWARD Why Australia? EVELYN [_Weakly_] I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. EDWARD What _do_ you mean? EVELYN I mean I’ve got to go there on business. EDWARD It’s very sudden, isn’t it? EVELYN Yes. I had a wire from my brother. EDWARD I didn’t know he was in Australia. EVELYN He isn’t. He’s in Cheltenham, but he sent me a wire saying I ought to go out there at once. EDWARD What’s the matter with you, Evie? EVELYN Nothing. EDWARD You’re not only telling me extremely fatuous lies, but you look like death. EVELYN They’re not lies. I— EDWARD Don’t he an ass. Have a drink. EVELYN No—I don’t want a drink. EDWARD What’s wrong? EVELYN There’s nothing wrong. EDWARD You’d better tell me, you know. EVELYN I want to tell you. EDWARD Come on, then. EVELYN I’ve got to tell you. EDWARD Out with it. EVELYN But I can’t. EDWARD Surely that’s rather silly. EVELYN I tried to shoot myself this morning. EDWARD You what!!! EVELYN Tried to shoot myself. EDWARD [_Alarmed_] In God’s name, why? EVELYN [_Brokenly_] Oh, Edward! EDWARD Evie, what _has_ happened? EVELYN I’m the filthiest cad in the world. EDWARD Don’t be ridiculous. EVELYN Our friendship is over forever. EDWARD [_With irritation_] Do stop all this melodrama, Evie, and tell me what’s the matter. EVELYN I’ve betrayed you, utterly. EDWARD [_In great astonishment_] Betrayed _me_? EVELYN [_Looking down_] Yes. EDWARD How? EVELYN [_Brokenly_] Carol! EDWARD Carol! Well, what about her? EVELYN Carol dined with me last night. EDWARD Oh, did she? EVELYN And—and—O my God! [_He sinks into a chair by the table and leans his head on his arms._] EDWARD [_In amazement_] You don’t seriously mean to tell me— EVELYN [_In muffled tones_] Yes. EDWARD You and Carol! EVELYN Yes. EDWARD This is too much! [_He bursts out laughing._] EVELYN [_Looking up astounded_] Edward! EDWARD I can’t bear it. [_He laughs louder._] EVELYN [_Rising_] Edward—old man—please— EDWARD [_Helplessly_] It’s unbelievable—incredible. Oh dear! [_He collapses on the window seat._] EVELYN [_Approaching him_] Edward—for God’s sake— EDWARD [_Weakly_] Don’t come near me. I shall be all right in a minute. EVELYN [_With growing anger_] You must be mad. EDWARD I certainly feel very strange. [_He goes into fits of laughter again._] EVELYN [_Outraged_] Edward—do you realize what I’ve just told you? EDWARD [_Trying to control himself_] Yes—perfectly. EVELYN And you can laugh! EDWARD Will you hand me a cigarette, please? EVELYN [_Irately_] Look here, Edward— EDWARD [_With sudden firmness_] Will you hand me a cigarette, please. EVELYN Here. [_He offers him his case._] EDWARD Thanks. [_He takes one._] Light. EVELYN Here. [_He strikes a match._] EDWARD Thanks. I feel better now. EVELYN Well! What are you going to do about it? EDWARD Ring that bell, will you? By the door. EVELYN I can find my own way out. EDWARD [_Firmly_] You’re not going yet. Ring the bell, please. [_EVELYN looks at him and then goes and rings the bell._] EVELYN Look here, Edward, I came here this morning because I felt I owed it to our friendship to confess the truth to you— EDWARD You’re out of your depth, Evie—far, far out of your depth. EVELYN I don’t know what you mean. EDWARD This is reality, not fiction. [_BERRY enters._] BERRY You rang, sir? EDWARD Will you ask your mistress to come down immediately, please, Berry? It’s very important. BERRY Yes, sir. [_He goes out._] EVELYN [_Panic-stricken_] Edward, this is not fair of you. EDWARD [_Unceremoniously_] Shut up. EVELYN This is between us. EDWARD The three of us, Evie—what’s known, I believe, as the eternal triangle. EVELYN Let me tell you one thing—what happened was not deliberate. EDWARD You prefer to be thought a fool rather than a cad! EVELYN Yes, if you like to put it that way. EDWARD How typical! EVELYN I only asked Carol to dine, in the first place, for your sake. EDWARD For my sake? EVELYN Yes, I intended to teach her a lesson. EDWARD And she ended up by teaching you one. EVELYN [_Utterly shocked_] Edward! EDWARD Men of your sort should stick to athletics and not attempt physiology. EVELYN I deserve that. EDWARD [_Agreeably_] Fully. [_CAROL enters from R. She starts visibly on seeing EVELYN._] CAROL What’s the matter? EDWARD Don’t look so surprised, Carol. It’s terribly irritating. CAROL I don’t understand. EDWARD I gather that you and Evie— EVELYN [_Wounded by such frankness_] Edward! CAROL [_Looking at EVELYN_] You cad! EDWARD It was very unpleasant of you, Carol— CAROL [_Appealingly_] Edward, please— EDWARD I should like to know how it all happened. EVELYN I told you—I— EDWARD Carol will you explain, please? CAROL Certainly not. EDWARD Very well. You must allow me to reconstruct it for myself. EVELYN Surely this is unnecessary. EDWARD That is entirely for me to decide. CAROL You’re being unbelievably cheap. EDWARD [_Mildly_] Really, Carol—keep a slight grip on your values. EVELYN Say what you like. I don’t care. EDWARD It wouldn’t make the slightest difference if you did. EVELYN Damned ungenerous. EDWARD Shut up and don’t be an ass. You and Carol have brought about this abominable situation. It’s up to you to keep quiet and let me straighten it out in my own way. EVELYN [_Turning away_] Very well. EDWARD Thank you. Now then—Evie, you asked Carol to dine with you alone at your flat? EVELYN Yes. EDWARD Why? EVELYN I told you. EDWARD In order to teach her a lesson. CAROL Oh, this is insufferable. EDWARD You’re perfectly right, it is. I gather that the first part of the lesson, Evie, necessitated you making love to her. Am I right? EVELYN [_Impatiently_] Oh yes— EDWARD And then what? [_Turning_] EVELYN Look here, Edward, I’m damned if I’m going to listen to this any longer— CAROL Neither am I! EDWARD Tell me the truth, then, Carol. It will simplify matters considerably. Do you love Evie? CAROL No. EDWARD Then why, if it’s not an indelicate question, did you— CAROL [_Violently_] Because he insulted me and tried to humiliate me and I determined to show him that he wasn’t as clever as he thought he was. EDWARD Admirable. You, Evie, had the ineffable conceit to pit your meager experience of the world against an extremely attractive and obviously unscrupulous woman. You then give in to her completely despite the fact that she is the wife of your friend; and not content with that, you turn on her afterward, work yourself up into a frenzy of false melodramatic values, rush round here and blurt it out to me doubtless under the delusion that by uncovering the whole shameful business you are vindicating your own honor! Oh, Evie, what a pitiful fool you are! EVELYN It’s no use blackguarding me any more, is it? What are you going to do about it? EDWARD I don’t quite know yet. CAROL There’s nothing to be done. EDWARD You’re too sure of yourself, Carol—you always have been. EVELYN I wish to God I had shot myself. EDWARD It’s a little late to think of that now. EVELYN You’re being unnecessarily cruel, Edward. EDWARD I’m afraid I’m a bitter disappointment to you both. You see emotionally I’m unmoved. The capacity for feeling very deeply over Carol died a long while ago. EVELYN I should have thought that for the sake of our friendship— EDWARD That’s sheer cant. You’ve considerably over-estimated our friendship for years. If you care to analyze it honestly you’ll discover that we both bore one another stiff and always have. We were at school together—in different forms—since when we’ve dined together on an average of once a month. We’ve confided our troubles superficially for the want of something to talk about. We’re poles apart mentally and physically; we’ve built up this so-called great friendship on a basis of false tradition, and the only reason I realized it first is because my brain functions quicker than yours— EVELYN [_Shattered_] Edward! EDWARD And I should like to add—having naturally a more acute sense of sex psychology than you—that the reason you took such a fatal interest in Carol’s morals was not on my account at all, but because she’d snubbed you severely several times and you were probably very much attracted to her. EVELYN It’s not true. You’re disgusting. EDWARD Be that as it may, the solution to the whole thing is obvious. EVELYN What do you mean? EDWARD I’ll tell you. Carol, you must go away immediately. CAROL [_Horrified_] Edward— EVELYN [_Stricken_] But—I—I— EDWARD Wait a moment. Let me explain. Carol, you and I have no longer the slightest justification for living together. If you go away abroad somewhere I will make it perfectly easy for you to divorce me. If you don’t agree to this, I shall file a petition against you at once, naming Evie as corespondent. That’s the second ultimatum I’ve delivered this morning and I’m feeling extremely tired. [_He sits down._] CAROL Edward, you can’t mean this—you can’t. EDWARD I do. I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything in my life. CAROL [_Bursting into tears of rage_] I won’t stand it. I won’t! EDWARD You’re not being very polite to Evie. EVELYN You think you’re being damned clever. EDWARD That’s been hurled at me so often just lately that I’m honestly beginning to believe I am. CAROL You utter beast. EDWARD Well—what’s the decision? CAROL [_Wailing_] I’ll never speak to you again—never—never—never. EDWARD [_Rising_] Evie? EVELYN [_Gruffly_] You’d better give us time to think. EDWARD What is the time now, anyhow? EVELYN [_Looking at his watch_] Twenty past one. EDWARD My God! I knew I should be late. I’ll be at the Berkeley if you want me. [_EDWARD goes out. EVELYN and CAROL look after him and then at each other._] [_CAROL after a pause walks over and sits next to EVIE._] CAROL Evie. EVIE What? CAROL [_Sweetly_] There’s still time for you to shoot yourself! CURTAIN *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75864 ***